Mass Effect: Invictus
by JasonShepardN7
Summary: 13 years after the Crucible Event - 13 years after the Reapers mysteriously disappeared - Ashley Williams finds herself at a research station which may hold the key to finding out what happened to Commander Shepard... (Post ME3 fic. Some language. Reviews welcome. Finished!)
1. The Probe

_2199 CE  
Nimbus Cluster  
A classified Starbase in the Agaiou system_

_13 years after the Battle of Earth_

"Two months ago, the Citadel Relay activated. To the public, it was passed off as a power surge from within the Keeper tunnels, but at the time we were thought we might have another Reaper invasion on our hands. Something did come through... but it was tiny. Nothing more than a probe. Nonetheless, based on its construction and abilities, it's definitely Reaper tech. Once we caught it, the probe locked itself down. Quantum Shielding. We can't scan it, we can't open it up; the only thing we do know is that while it's locked down, it can't scan us either. We've kept monitoring it, and–"

Ashley held up a hand. "I still don't see what this has to do with me," she said, interrupting the salarian lab-tech that was guiding her down the corridor.

"Let him explain," said Garrus at her side.

The tech handed her a datapad showing the dimensions and details of the probe. "Every 21 hours and 36 minutes, the probe drops the shielding. The gap is short, less than a minute, but enough time for it to scan its environment and broadcast a signal."

Ashley frowned. Two days earlier she had been at home on Elysium. Garrus had interrupted her weekend with a vid-call, telling her that he needed her help and that she had to see something. Since then she had been picked up by the Normandy and whisked into space to an unfamiliar science station. She'd barely had time to arrange a carer for Cassandra. It was good to see Joker, EDI and Garrus again, but she still didn't understand _what_ was so important.

"The signal is the same each time. After analysis, we were able to translate it into a word. A _human_ word."

"This is where I come in," said Garrus. "They were thinking of the word as dust or embers, as a noun, but when I found out about the project I realised it wasn't a noun. It was a name. Ash. _Your _name."

"There are millions of people with my name, Garrus. Why me?"

EDI's voice came over the speakers as the three of them turned a corner. "Of all humans with your name in my memory banks, Ashley, you are the one with the highest significant experience with Reapers."

"Even so..." said Ashley, glancing upwards.

"There's more," continued the salarian. He led them into a laboratory; their end of the room was surrounded by holo-screens and measuring devices, the rest was beyond a thick sheet of glass. The probe was on a table in the centre of the room, encircled by force-fields. It was slightly longer than a human was tall, and its black carapace contrasted against the white walls. "After Vakarian's insight, we realised that there was further information buried within the signal. What we'd thought to be static was instead a series of inflections, coding how the word could be spoken. And we could translate that into an audio output."

Ashley sighed. "I still don't see what you're getting at."

"Just listen to it," said Garrus.

"Sure. Fine."

The salarian turned away, typing into a screen as Ashley folded her arms and leant against the wall.

_"Ash."_

Her eyes widened. She felt as if a jolt of electricity had surged through her body. Her heart was thumping in her chest as she struggled for words.

"But that's..." she gasped.

"Yes," whispered Garrus. "_Shepard._"


	2. Earth

_2186 CE  
Earth. London._

_Moments after Hammer's assault on the Citadel Beam._

Ashley stumbled as if in a daze, feeling Garrus' arms supporting her as they made their way towards the Normandy's elevator. She lifted her head, seeing the door slide open as Liara and Dr Chakwas rushed into the cargo hold. Liara ran straight towards her, taking Ashley's weight as Dr Chakwas prepared a medi-gel kit.

"Shepard?" Liara's eyes darted to the far end of the hold.

"He stayed," muttered Garrus, as the four of them entered the elevator.

"Then he's running into hell," said Dr Chakwas. "Still, I think he likes it that way." She tapped the holo-interface, sending them to the third floor. "Garrus, stay still, your neck's bleeding. In fact, I'm amazed that you're both still standing; we're going to need to get you both out of your armour quickly–"

The elevator doors opened onto the crew deck, greeting them with a sudden cacophony of noise. As they rounded the corner, Ashley saw Alliance marines crowding the room, with a number of wounded lying on the floor. She glanced over to Chakwas.

"Hackett's had us running air support and evac across London. We've lost the entire Southern bank – the Reapers have us up against the wall."

The ship's speakers were on, relaying a constant stream of radio transmissions from across the city. A holo-screen on one wall displayed a still image of the Citadel beam. Ashley pulled away from Liara's grasp and staggered over towards the screen.

Mako tanks and Hammerheads lay smouldering around the structure; flames licked up from the ground. Numerous gunships had crashed, and of the hundreds of infantry that had charged towards the position, there was no sign. Harbinger was still there, lingering maliciously over the battlefield.

Ashley's breath seemed to be stuck in her lungs.

"Goddess," whispered Liara.

_"Did we get anyone to the beam?"_ came a voice over the speakers.

_"Negative,"_ came the reply. _"Our entire force was decimated."_

"Shepard..." gasped Ashley.

Garrus stepped past her. "No. Not again, Commander." His voice was quiet. "Don't you dare die on us again."

Ashley's world lurched sideways. She almost fell; Chakwas hurried up to support her as she turned away from the screen.

"We have to get you to the medical bay," said the doctor, but Ashley shook her head.

Something had snapped inside her mind. She forced herself to walk over to the mess-table, ignoring the pain in her side and in her legs. A small holo-interface was built into the surface of the table; she tapped it and an image of Joker's face appeared.

"Take us back," Ashley growled.

"I can't!" Joker yelled back. "Even with EDI's electronic counter-measures, the Reaper IFF _and_ the stealth system, the only reason Harbinger didn't swat us out of the sky is because he was too busy stomping on Hammer!" He paused. "With Hammer gone... I'm sorry, Ash. We wouldn't stand a chance."

"Dammit, Joker, Shepard's back there!"

"I know." His eyes met hers through the screen. "But Shepard wanted me to get you out of there, to keep you safe, so that's what I'm going to do." He returned his attention to flying. "We're leaving London, joining up with Shield. Hackett's orders – we're to help guard the Crucible."

Ashley slumped back in the chair, closing her eyes as despair and exhaustion settled in her stomach. She felt Chakwas lifting her, pulling her into the Med-bay, but her mind was numb. A single thought filled her soul.

_I'm sorry Shepard._

* * *

"Admiral? Major Coats just reported in – Hammer has failed. Harbinger devastated the assault."

If Hackett flinched, he did not show it. His face remained plain, his sharp eyes fixed on the holographic representation of the space-battle around the Citadel. He remained quiet for a long moment.

"How long until the Crucible reaches Earth?" he eventually asked.

"Fifteen minutes, sir," replied the Lieutenant.

The Admiral nodded slowly. "Any word from Commander Shepard or Admiral Anderson?"

"No sir."

"Does Major Coats consider it possible to make a second attempt on the Citadel Beam?"

The Lieutenant shook her head. "Unlikely. Harbinger is returning to the Citadel, but two Sovereign Class Reapers and a group of Destroyers stayed behind in London. The Major is falling back, attempting to unite with Krogan, Turian and Geth forces for another push, but he doesn't like his chances."

"Thank-you. Contact the Salarian Third Fleet. Tell them to get their scouts flying over the Citadel, looking for weak-points. That will be all."

"Yes sir." She turned and left at a run.

Privately, Hackett was shaken. He had known that this mission was a gamble. A final battle against the Reapers would never be without risk. And throughout this war, he had frequently wondered just how much borrowed time they had been living on. But the Crucible project had given them an aim, something to work towards, even if they were unsure what the Crucible would achieve. And until now the project had gone without a hitch.

Until now.

There had never been much hope. And at long last, Hackett wondered if they had run out.

He tapped on the holo-interface, opening a coded comm-channel to the Normandy.

"EDI. I need your assessment on punching a hole in the Citadel arms."

A brief pause. "Improbable. The combined firepower of Shield and Sword fleets might be sufficient to breach the Wards. However, focusing fire on the Citadel would take pressure off the Reapers, and we would suffer significant losses."

"Very well," replied Hackett. "Nonetheless, focus on computing an appropriate firing solution. And put me through to Dr T'Soni."

"Acknowledged. Patching you through."

There was a moment of static, and then Liara's voice on the comm. "Admiral?"

Hackett leaned on the desk in front of him. "Has your network managed to contact anyone trapped on board the Citadel?"

"No. We briefly opened a channel to Commander Bailey, but were unable to communicate before the Reapers blocked the signal. They're alive in there, but I don't think we can count on their help."

"Understood." _So what the hell do we do now?_

* * *

"Damn you, Ghost! Get your tin-can head down!"

"Negative, Officer-Massani. Preservation of this unit is of inferior priority to reconnaissance of Citadel Beam."

"I ain't no officer. Ravagers are pounding this rooftop, there's a squad of goddamn Marauders beating feet up the fire-escape and a whole bloody Reaper bearing down on us! Our orders are to fall back and you-"

"Noted. Recommend you begin withdrawal protocols."

Zaeed crawled forward, ducking under a vent as a bullet ricocheted near his head. "Move, you maggot. Hammer got itself squished – why are you still obsessed about the beam?"

The geth hesitated, drawing its head away from the sniper rifle for the briefest of moments. "Shepard-Commander is still alive."

"What?! You gotta be kidding me..." He pushed himself up against the wall. "Gimme tha-"

He flinched down as an eerie scream pierced through the air.

"Banshee," he muttered. "Reminds me of an ex-girlfriend. She couldn't shut her mouth either..." He grabbed his rifle and crawled forwards, crouching and steadying his aim with the top of an air-vent. "My last clip too, but the bitch is right where I want her..."

His finger squeezed against the trigger, punching out one, two shots. He wasn't aiming for the banshee. The first shot ripped into the metal of a pipe on the wall of an adjacent, taller building. The second shot – an incendiary round – lit up the air, igniting an explosion as gas hissed free from the pipe. The banshee let out a final shriek as she was consumed in the fireball... and then she was gone.

"Reminds me of when I burnt down a refinery with Shepard... speaking of which," he turned back to Ghost, "You said the bastard's alive?"

"Confirmed. Observed figure matches Shepard-Commander to within a percentage probability of 76.25732-"

"Yeah, yeah, I get the idea..."

"Alert. Hostiles present at the beam."

Zaeed squinted down the scope of his own Avenger rifle. "Shit. Can you tag them?"

"Negative." The geth almost sounded embarrassed. "Targets at extreme range and... This rifle is out of ammunition. However..." Ghost paused for a long moment as they both watched the scene unfold in front of them... "Hostiles are down"

"Son-of-a-bitch made it to the beam. You really can't kill that bastard." He glanced at Ghost. "You still got a connection to the fleets? Hackett needs to hear this."

"Negative. Citadel Beam is making communication... difficult." The geth's flashlight-head met Zaeed's eyes. "Recommend we withdraw to attain better signal."

"Thought you'd never ask. Let's move – those Marauders are nearly sitting on us." Shouldering his rifle, Zaeed drew out a Firestorm flamethrower from his pack. "Time to burn a path."

* * *

_Geth runtime designation 'Ghost' providing Priority message to Alliance fleet designation 'Shield'. Observed surviving member of squad designation 'Hammer' during Citadel Beam reconnaissance. Figure matches known height and stature of Shepard-Commander to a likelihood of 76.257328343%. Figure proceeded to neutralise local hostiles and enter Citadel Beam._

_Reconnaissance ceased in order to achieve minimum distance for Priority message broadcast._

* * *

Hackett stared at the datapad in his hand.

"Holy shit. He did it."

* * *

_"This is the Admiral. We've got reports that someone made it to the Citadel. We need to give them time to get those arms open."_

Ashley's eyelids snapped open as she heard Hackett's voice on the speakers. She lifted her head from the cot, seeing Garrus doing likewise from another bed, with Tali at his side.

"It's him," said Garrus. "It's got to be Shepard."

"He's made it to the Citadel," murmured Tali. "If anyone can get the arms open..."

"It's him," Garrus repeated, nodding.

"God be with you, Shepard," Ashley breathed, sitting up.

Garrus looked across at her, meeting her eyes. "He'll make it, Ash. He always does."

* * *

**_Yes, I know, I get a good mystery going in the first chapter, then completely ignore it and jump back 13 years for the second chapter.  
Very unfair of me, I'm sure. There probably ought to be a law against it._**

**_We'll be alternating between these two timelines, so we're back with the probe next chapter._**


	3. Shepard

_2199 CE  
Nimbus Cluster  
A classified Starbase in the Agaiou system_

Ash rested a hand against the glass, staring at the probe. "How? I mean, is he inside it? Is it some kind of communicator? A message?"

"We don't know," said Terien, the salarian researcher. "We are only able to scan it while it broadcasts, but we do know that the probe is not hollow. Along with the shield and propulsion systems, there are numerous databanks and processing units. It is not receiving any signals that we can detect, but that doesn't rule out the possibility of a QEC."

She shook her head, turning back to the others. "Shepard's dead. It can't be him. It's Reaper tech – it's got to be some kind of trick."

Terien looked down. EDI was silent on the comm. Joker – who had already been sitting in the lab when they arrived – scratched the stubble on his chin. The other researchers busied themselves on the holo-screens. Only Garrus met her gaze.

"Ashley..."

"No." Her back stiffened. She didn't want to be here. Why had they brought her here? It might sound like Shepard, it might be calling her name, but it was Reaper tech. It couldn't be trusted. Why couldn't they understand that? Shepard was dead; whatever this was, it wasn't him. And all that investigating would achieve would be the dredging up of painful memories, the raising of false hope only to have it crushed. If Shepard had been alive all these years... _He would have made it back to me long before now. He would have found me. He wouldn't have abandoned me again. This isn't him._

"No-one ever found the body, Ash. He's beaten the odds before." Garrus's steely eyes were calm in contrast to her glare.

"By being resurrected by Cerberus. It took me long enough to trust him then. If he's been brought back by the Reapers... It's not him. It can't be him." Ashley turned to the door. "I'm leaving."

EDI's voice stopped her. "21 hours and 36 minutes. The length of time between the broadcasts."

Ash closed her eyes. "What of it?"

"It's the exact length of a day on Mindoir. With the exception of his N7 training, Shepard maintained that sleep routine throughout his life."

"Doesn't mean it's him."

"But what if it is?" Joker stood up and hobbled over towards her. "He's asking for _you_ – are you really going to turn away from that?"

"It's not–"she began.

"EDI, play the signal again."

The same voice. _"Ash."_ The exact way that Shepard would say it. She could read so much into that one syllable. _Don't 'Ash' me..._ But it wasn't said in a nagging way. It was a statement. A request. A call for help.

She stood there, silent, staring at the door.

What if it was him?

"Play it again, please," she whispered.

There was pain in the voice as well. A pain that she had never heard before. She had been with Shepard through the worst of the Reaper War... yet this pain spoke of so much more. A resignation in his voice that had never been there. Shepard was the one man she had known who had never given up... but this voice spoke as if he had finally reached his limit. _What has happened to him...?_

She turned. "Is the inflection the same each time, EDI?"

"No. There are subtle differences with each broadcast. Out of the 67 recorded times that the probe has spoken, no two signals have been exactly the same."

"Play them all."

A chorus of Shepard's voice calling her name. Each time spoke of hurt, of desperation. A dull sensation settled in the pit of her stomach. She knew now that she wouldn't leave, couldn't leave. Shepard was asking for her help. Somehow, impossibly, calling from across the gulf of death, he needed her.

The room fell silent after EDI played the probe's most recent signal. Ashley lifted her head.

"When's the next broadcast?"

"Half an hour's time," answered Terien.

She looked across, through the glass, towards the Reaper probe. "Is it shielded?"

"Against all known forms of indoctrination, yes. We also have a stasis field on standby, and the kinetic barriers around it are strong enough to stop a shot from an M-98 Widow."

Frowning at the researcher's reference to a heavy rifle, Ashley glanced across at him. "So is it safe to go in there?"

"We don't know. It _is_ Reaper tech. But you'd be as safe as we can make you."

"You said it scans the environment during each broadcast?"

Terien nodded. "Just before each broadcast, to be exact."

"So he would 'see' me if I was in there?"

"The probe would detect you, yes."

Ashley took a long breath... and then released it. "Okay. I'll do it."

* * *

Events moved quickly. Terien bustled her into a side room and began kitting her out with various instruments: An omni-tool set-up to monitor her heart rate, breathing rate, other life-signs and even the ambient radiation level. A small node placed on the back of the neck, constantly scanning her brain for any sign of indoctrination. A personal kinetic barrier generator – she appreciated this last one.

Ashley watched the salarian moving around the room. She hadn't paid Terien much attention since arriving on the station, but something felt... off about the researcher. She had no doubt that he was an expert in his field, to be given this job, but to be head of the project? With no visible Council oversight? And there was something... precise about his movements, a caution she associated more with soldiers that researchers...

The answer came suddenly, and was obvious once she realised it. "You're a Spectre, aren't you?"

Terien looked up. "So are you, Williams, although I gather you haven't been active for over a decade."

"I resigned," said Ash, feeling slightly defensive. "Family happened."

The researcher smiled, his large eyes lifting. "I'm salarian, Williams. The procreation methods are different, but we value family just the same." He leaned down, grabbing a small portable camera. "Not all Spectres are combat experts. The Council chose me for this project for my management and planning skills. It's rare that I don't foresee and account for all possible eventualities. I also relish a challenge." He attached the camera to her shoulder. "We have vid-cams in the room, but a first person view would be helpful."

Ashley nodded. "But you have had military training?"

"Close combat and ranged weapons, yes."

"What would you have done if I'd walked out?"

Terien paused at the door and looked back at her. "This project is the first contact with Reapers since the Crucible event. We still don't understand what happened then, and we don't understand what is happening now. We do understand that the Reapers are the greatest known threat to galactic civilisation, and that they are still out there somewhere. And _you_ are currently our only lead. What would I have done?" He drew a heavy pistol out from beneath his lab-coat. "Whatever necessary to complete the project. Up to and including kidnapping you, if no other option presented itself."

Ashley glanced at the gun. "No kidding..."

"Needless to say, I'm glad you decided to co-operate." He pushed the door open, holstering the pistol. "Through here please."

* * *

"30 seconds until probe activation."

Ashley's hands clenched. She was nervous. _Of course_ she was nervous: in less than half a minute, a Reaper probe would be activating right in front of her. A Reaper probe that had been asking for _her_. But she wasn't just afraid. There was the possibility – a ridiculous, slim possibility – that Shepard was still alive. That this probe was her only chance of finding him again. And she was afraid of being wrong, of suffering from the pain of false hope.

_God, I thought I'd put all this behind me..._

"20 seconds."

In twenty seconds she would know. Twenty short seconds that stretched like a lifetime before her. She'd lived without him for thirteen years. She'd said her goodbyes – twice already. She'd wept at two funerals. She'd moved on... _Yet here you are, pulling me back in._ But she had to ask herself: if there was even a chance that this was Shepard, back from the dead, _again_, was he worth the risk of more pain?

_Yes._

"10 seconds."

But above all of it, the horrific fear that the Reapers had taken Shepard, _her _Shepard, and perverted him into something far worse than death... Worse than a false hope, _far_ worse than finding him alive again...

"5 seconds. I have set up the speaker system to translate any broadcasts in real time."

"Thank-you, EDI."

One last second. One frozen moment in time...

"Probe activation."

There was a pause. Silence seemed to condense in the air around her. There was no external sign that the probe was doing anything.

Terien's voice on the speakers. "The probe just scanned the entire room. Then it scanned again, focusing on you."

"I think you have his attention, Ash." That was Garrus.

She stared. Her entire body prickled with apprehension. And from behind kinetic barriers and black polished metal, the probe stared back.

_"...Ashley..."_ Shepard's voice. He sounded relieved. Exhausted.

"Skipper?" She stepped closer, up against the kinetic barrier.

"I'd... forgotten..." Confusion... and wonder.

Ashley hesitated. This sounded like Shepard but... she'd never heard him sound so lost. And there was still such pain in his voice, the same pain that had been in his calls to her. "I'm here, Shepard."

A long pause. A thousand thoughts flashed through her mind. She still wasn't sure that this was him, that this wasn't a trick... But she wanted it to be him so badly, and she knew she'd hate herself for doubting him if it was...

The speakers crackled into life again. " 'Death closes all... But...' "

Ashley looked down, her heart catching in her throat. It was him. " 'But something ere the end,' " she continued, " 'Some work of noble note may yet be done, not unbecoming men that strove with gods.' "

"I... I'm sorry, Ash." Another pause, as if he was finding it difficult to speak. "I love you."

EDI's voice on the speakers. "The signal is fading!"

A jolt ran through Ash's body, her gaze snapping back up to the probe. "Skipper?!"

Shepard was quieter, almost whispering. "Goodbye, Ashley. I'll always love you..."

"Shepard? Wait!"

The probe was silent. Ashley tore her eyes away from it, glancing back at the others in the glass booth at the end of the lab.

After a few seconds, EDI spoke. "No signal. He is gone, Ashley. The probe is inert."

"Yes, inert!" cried Terien suddenly. "Entirely inert! The Quantum Shielding is gone; I'm detecting masses of files and databases stored within the probe. EDI, I'll need your help to sweep for viruses and–"

As the researcher babbled on, Ashley closed her eyes, shutting out everything but her own thoughts. It had been Shepard. She knew that now. But how and why, what had happened to him and where had he been? – these were the questions she was left with. Why had he called to her, just to say goodbye? Why Tennyson's Ulysses quote?

And why did it feel as if her own heart had just stopped beating?


	4. The Crucible

_2186 CE  
Bridge of the SSV Everest above Earth._

_Minutes after the arrival of Shield Fleet at the Citadel._

"The Crucible is in position, waiting for the arms to open. All fleets: Hold the line."

Admiral Hackett switched off the comm and looked up at the holographic representation of the battle surrounding the Citadel. The fleets had secured their position, but not without cost. There was not a ship within Sword Fleet that had avoided taking damage; nearly half were now adrift or destroyed. Shield Fleet was in better condition, but that was only because they had joined the fight later. They were also smaller than Sword, and would not last as long.

Between them, Sword and Shield comprised the largest alliance of ships the galaxy had ever known. And the sheer force of the Reapers was tearing them apart.

And there was still no word from Shepard.

Hackett glanced around the bridge of the SSV Everest. "Give me a Sit-Rep on the Charon Relay, Lieutenant."

"The Reapers are trying to bring in reinforcements, but the Geth are holding them back," she said, looking up from the communications post. "The copy of Normandy's IFF has been successful at keeping the relay locked down, but the Reapers are attempting to hack their way through, and the Consensus is primarily occupied with counter-hacking efforts. A small fleet of Destroyers got through not long ago, but the Geth annihilated them."

"Good."

It had been a difficult choice to hold back the majority of the Geth fleet at the Charon Relay, but when the alternative was unlimited Reaper reinforcements, Hackett had made the only decision that he could. They were already outnumbered and barely able to hold their own; more Reapers, especially more Sovereign Dreadnoughts, would crush them.

But there was another reason for holding the Charon Relay: When the Crucible fired, they would need to leave the system.

Before the attack on Earth, Hackett had spent a couple of hours talking to a Professor Olausen, finding out everything that the scientists knew about how the Crucible worked. It still bothered him how little was understood about the device. However, Olausen had been able to advise him that a large part of the Crucible was a massive power generator, designed to interface with the mass relays. At close range, she believed the Crucible would interact with _any_ active mass effect drive, potentially damaging them beyond repair. While this could be beneficial against any Reapers caught in the vicinity, it also meant that the Allied Fleets could not stay in the Sol system once the Crucible was armed.

But first, the Crucible needed to _be_ armed.

He turned his attention back to the holo-image in front of him.

There were battles on all fronts. The immediate area around the Crucible was clear, but open conflict was less than twenty kilometres away. The holographic display showed Reapers in red and allied ships in blue – the blue was focused around the base of the Citadel, while nearly everywhere else was filled with red.

A slight smile crossed Hackett's face as he noted a single blue point within the sea of red. The Normandy. Joker had taken the ship behind enemy lines, activating the stealth systems, deactivating the mass effect drive, and relying solely on passive scans, leaving nothing to detect aside from the visual light bouncing off the hull. So far, none of the Reapers had come close enough to see the frigate. EDI was communicating with the rest of the fleet via the QEC, providing pin-point tactical data on Reaper positions. That data had already resulted in the destruction of a handful of Destroyers, and had even helped to disable a Sovereign Class Reaper.

A red target drew Hackett's attention as it tore apart a Turian cruiser.

Harbinger.

So far, the oldest of the Reapers had shrugged off every shot fired at it. Judging by its unwillingness to punch through the allied fleets and attack the Crucible directly, Hackett believed that Harbinger must have limits, but he had yet to see any sign of them. In some ways, Hackett felt as if Harbinger was his own opposite within this battle – leading and organising the Reaper tactics even as Hackett led the galactic fleets. There seemed a strange poetry to it, especially as he ordered the SSV Everest to fire another shot into Harbinger's hull.

The Sovereign Class Reapers were the main problem. Occuli could be taken down by GARDIAN defence lasers, Destroyers could be blown up by shots from dreadnoughts or heavy Cruisers. But the Sovereigns could only be overwhelmed by the attention of multiple dreadnoughts – attention that was often required elsewhere.

And thus it was that Hackett's eyes widened as he saw two Sovereign Reapers explode as they bore down on the Omega fleet.

He thumbed the comm. "Aria. How did you do that?"

"Impressive, wasn't it? Looks like they didn't know Omega's one rule..." The Pirate Queen offered a soft laugh. "The Blood Pack. They're performing suicide runs, boarding Reaper ships and gifting them with thermonuclear bombs. We've been successful so far but – and I can't believe I'm saying this – we're running out of vorcha to throw at the problem."

"I assume that they volunteered?"

"Of course, Admiral. Don't you trust me?" An edge of steel entered Aria's voice. "They know the score: If we lose this battle, we lose everything. The vorcha were the ones who came up with the plan."

Hackett sighed. "And when you do run out of them?"

"Then we see how the Reapers stand up to a dreadnought firing at point-blank range from _within_ their barriers. Should be fun." She cut the comm-link.

His frown deepening, Hackett shook his head. Everyone was running out of tricks. He doubted if they could last another hour. Nonetheless, Aria's tactics had reminded him to check on another operation.

"Admiral Hackett to N7 Blacklight team. Status report."

"Packages delivered and in place," replied a gruff krogan voice. "Activating now, and prepping for extraction."

"Good. Get out of there."

After a moment, five large red dots on the holographic display suddenly changed colour to blue, as five Sovereign dreadnoughts suddenly opened fire on their fellow Reapers. Five smaller blue dots represented the N7 Blacklight team escaping via kodiak shuttles.

_Not my most trusted allies, but I can't deny the effectiveness of those dark artifacts, _thought Hackett._ Nor can I deny my relief at five less Reaper Capital ships to worry about..._

"Admiral!"

He turned at the call. "What is it, Lieutenant?"

"Sir – the Salarian Third Fleet is detecting power surges within the Citadel. The arms are opening!"

* * *

"Ah. Excellent. I think that worked rather well, don't you?"

"Yeah great, Xen!" Joker glanced at the sensor screens. "That swarm of Occuli is completely stunned – Rachni fighters are cleaning them up. Got any more of those EMPs?"

"Unfortunately no. That was the only prototype."

"Of course it was," Joker muttered. "Well, maybe you can make more for the next time we're fighting a final battle for the fate of the galaxy."

"Indeed. Migrant Fleet out."

"I hate her."

EDI glanced across at him. "I also find Admiral Xen rather... distasteful. Are you aware that, if used on synthetics, that EMP bomb would be the equivalent of an orbital strike on an organic city?"

"Not exactly the time to be thinking about organic-synthetic conflict, EDI! We've got bigger problems right now – the Reapers are pushing. Guess they don't want us to dock the Crucible." He tapped the comm again, linking them to the only Volus Dreadnought in the fleet. "Normandy to Kwunu. You've got three Destroyers en route – transferring firing co-ordinates."

A rasping voice on the speakers. "Acknowledged, Earth-clan... _Tshk..._ Firing now."

In the distance, three white beams of light burst forth from the Kwunu – three Thanix cannons, one mounted on the centre of the dreadnought's hull, the other two mounted on either side. Guided by EDI's predictive calculations, all three shots struck true, lighting up the Destroyers in consecutive explosions.

"Good shooting, Kwunu! Normandy out." He paused. "Why don't we have three Thanix cannons?"

"Three Thanix cannons would slow down Norman–" began EDI.

"–and reduce our manoeuvrability. I know, EDI – it was a joke." He glanced out of the main window. "How long until the Crucible docks?"

"27 seconds."

"Great. Then we can all go home, right?"

Joker glanced at the holo-screens, checking – for the third time in as many minutes – that the Reapers had yet to detect the Normandy's position. Seeing a barrage of shots narrowly miss Normandy's position, he winced.

"Omega Fleet, hold fire!" he yelled into the comm. "You nearly hit us!"

"Then move!" came the reply. "We've got an opening here."

"Captain Jarral," interrupted EDI, "If we were to move, the Reapers would detect our mass effect drive and destroy us. _Modify your firing angle. _That is an order."

"... Acknowledged," replied the asari after a moment. "Killjoys."

"Yeah, back at you, Captain," muttered Joker, cutting the comm-link.

"Jeff."

"Yes, EDI, I hate her too."

"No, Jeff – the Citadel. The Crucible is docked."

"And?"

"Unknown. It does not appear to have activated."

"Shit. So now what?"

* * *

"Sir, I'm detecting Shepard's omni-tool signature..."

"Where?" asked Hackett, looking up sharply.

"On the Citadel: Base of the Presidium tower. Near the Crucible's point of contact. I'm displaying his life-signs."

_Just where we need him. As always. But he's lost a lot of blood. _"Can you get a signal through?"

"I can try..." replied the Lieutenant. "Comm-link open."

Hackett leaned forwards. "Shepard? Commander!"

There was silence for a long moment – and then a groan as Shepard's voice came over the speakers. "I... What do you need me to do?"

"Nothing's happening," replied Hackett, eyeing the holographic image of the open Citadel. "The Crucible's not firing. It's got to be something on your end."

There were noises of movement, but no reply. The Commander's heartbeat was weak. The seconds stretched on.

"Commander Shepard?!"

Shepard's voice was pained, exhausted. "I don't see... I'm not sure how to..."

A sharp drop in blood pressure. The sound of shallow breathing.

"Commander?"

Silence.

The Lieutenant spoke. "Sir... I've lost his signal. It's being jammed."

"The same jamming as when the Citadel was closed?"

"No sir..." she replied. "This is something new."

Hackett frowned. "Get me the nearest N7 team on the comm."

"Yes sir."

_'Something new'. Well, we didn't know what the Crucible would do; we shouldn't be surprised that 'something new' has shown up... Now we need to know what it is – preferably before the Reapers destroy us all._

A burst of static on the speakers. "This is Blacklight team."

"Blacklight. Land on the Presidium and head to these co-ordinates. You are to locate and assist Commander Shepard in activating the Crucible."

"On our way."

Hackett turned to move away from the comm post, but the Lieutenant stopped him.

"Sir... I also detected Anderson's omni-tool at Shepard's position."

"But?" He glanced back over his shoulder.

"No life-signs," she said quietly. "Admiral Anderson believed KIA."

The weight on Hackett's shoulders seemed to increase. _Shepard injured, status unknown. Anderson KIA. And of the three of us, I'm left baby-sitting a Crucible that won't fire. Why is nothing ever easy?_

* * *

_"This is the Nefrane! We're losing space out here – they're pushing!"_

_"Hold it together, Second Fleet! We lose this fight, we lose the Crucible! We lose the Crucible, we lose the galaxy!"_

_"There's too many! Cybaen here – our shields are failing! Main core overloading!"_

_"Nefrane – there's a Sovereign on your flank, pushing through the line! Can you stop it?"_

_"Negative – main gun is down! It's seen us! All hands, brace for-!"_

* * *

EDI cocked her head. "Alert. A Reaper Capital ship has broken through the Asari Second fleet, on a direct course for the Crucible. All available intercept ships are either disabled or already engaged in other battles."

"What? Oh great. Setting a course – maybe, you know, we can distract it or something? If I was a big angry Reaper, I know I'd want to hit Joker and his flying friends before attacking a Crucible that doesn't seem to work..." He glanced out the window towards the Citadel. "Dammit, Shepard, get a move on..."

"In-coming comm-transmission!"

A heavy voice came over the speakers._ "Normandy, this is the Captain of the Revenance. We're a Batarian Bombing Dreadnought. Our weapon systems are offline, but our engines are at full power and our payload is primed to explode on impact. Course locked in on the Reaper."_

Joker blinked. "What – you're gonna ram that thing?"

_"Yes. My crew have already used the escape pods. I need you to promise me that they'll be rescued."_

"Done – EDI, notify the Quarian light fleet," said Joker, glancing to one side. "Uh... Who am I speaking to?"

_"My name is Rakal. Captain Rakal."_

"Then god-speed Rakal. And good luck." He watched as, ahead of the Normandy, the massive ship hurtled through space towards the even bigger Reaper.

Sovereign Class Reapers often seemed as indomitable and unstoppable as a force of nature – and, indeed, they often described themselves as such. But as Joker watched a Batarian warship, with a massive blade mounted on its prow, smashing into the front of a Reaper, he knew that for all their claims, they could still be damaged. They could still be destroyed.

The Revenance's hull crumpled, but not before the blade had sliced into the Reaper's armour. And as the shockwave rippled through the Revenance, it suddenly lit up in an explosion, ripping into the Reaper, engulfing them both in a sphere of flame...

...from which the Reaper burst free, undaunted and continuing towards the Crucible. A massive hole had been gauged in its hull; fractures and scorch marks covered its armour...

But it was still coming.

"Dammit. EDI, get me Hackett – we're gonna need–"

_"Normandie! We help you, you help us!"_

"What the... Why is there a vorcha yelling into my ear-piece? Who is this?"

_"My name Gahz! From Vorcha Void Devils! We hunt REAPAHZ!"_

"You've got to be joking..."

_"We have bombs! Fly up to Reaper, fire into hole! Blow up drive core! But Reaper has shields! Need help – Normandy Thanix cannon take down Reaper-barriers, we kill REAPAH!"_

"Uh, Gahz, was it? That's crazy – to take down those barriers we'd need more than just the Normandy."

"That is technically incorrect, Jeff. The Reaper has already been substantially weakened. At close range, a single barrier emitter could be overloaded by our weapon systems, dropping the shields around the hole in that Reaper's hull."

Incredulous, Joker turned to EDI. "At close range? Really? You want to get up close and personal with a Reaper?"

"There are no other ships available to intercept, and that Reaper is almost within range of the Crucible. We do not have a choice, Jeff." She paused. "And my records indicate that the Void Devils are an accomplished fighting unit – we can trust Gahz."

"Oh I hope I live to regret this..." muttered Joker. "Okay, Gahz, looks like we're using your crazy suicidal plan after all. Form up on our flank – we're going in!"

The Reaper loomed before them. Electricity seemed to crackle across its colossal structure. The hole in its armour was between two of its massive tentacles, and a faint blue glow emanated from within the ship. A stronger, red glow began to form at its weapon systems.

"Shit, EDI, I think it sees us! Brace for evasive manoeuvres!"

Joker banked to the right as the red beam lashed out, striking at where the Normandy had just been. A second shot flew by below the ship as he pulled up.

"Electronic counter-measures in place. Predicting enemy fire. Jeff, follow this course to avoid incoming blasts!"

"You hear that Gahz? Follow our lead!"

_"We match course!"_

Joker glanced at the LADAR - there were twelve Void Devil fighters, flying in formation behind and just below the Normandy. Each one was barely larger than a Kodiak shuttle. He looked ahead – the hull of Sovereign class now filled the windows, even though it remained half a kilometre away.

"You sure about this, EDI? Those Devils are tiny – it's hard to see how they could damage that monster."

"Each fighter carries a payload equivalent in strength to the nuclear device deployed on Virmire. Together they should be sufficient."

"Should be? That's encouraging..."

"Alert. Countering Reaper targeting is becoming more difficult at close range. GARDIAN-style lasers are beginning to drop our shields."

"Keep at it, girl, we're almost there..."

One of the Reaper's tentacles swept up, attempting to knock the Normandy out of the sky. Joker ducked the ship down and underneath it, as the hole in the Reaper's hull grew ever larger ahead of them...

"Jeff." EDI's voice was suddenly cold. "I am unable to avoid the next shot from the Reaper. There is no possible escape manoeuvre."

"What?!"

"We are _too close_."

Joker blinked. "Are we close enough to fire?"

"Negative."

_Great. _"Well, it was worth a shot. Always knew you and Shepard'd get me killed someday..." He tapped the comm. "Gahz, looks like you're on your own. Get out of–"

**_THWOOM_**

It took Joker a moment to realise that the explosion he had heard was not, in fact, the destruction of the Normandy and that it had actually come through his auditory emulators. Ahead of them, the Reaper was recoiling from a heavy blow to its shields.

_"Alliance Normandy, this is the Destiny Ascension. You are all-clear to fire. Repeat: You are all-clear to fire." _ There was an amused tone to the asari voice in his ear. _"I guess that repays a certain three year old debt?"_

"You bet it does, you blue beauty!" yelled Joker. "EDI, are we in range yet?"

"YES. Firing in 3... 2... 1..."

A white beam leapt forth from the Normandy's prow, powering across the gulf of space to smash into the Sovereign's kinetic barriers. A purple field appeared around the hole in the Reaper's hull as its defensive systems countered the attack... but after a moment, the barrier faded, and the last of the Thanix blast pierced into the Reaper's internal structure.

"Gahz, firing range is all yours! We're pulling out!"

_"Reaper will DIE!"_

The Normandy pulled upwards, its flight path curving around, the surface of the Reaper passing by less than fifty metres beneath the ship. Below them, the twelve Void Devils tightened together into a diamond firing configuration. Simultaneously, they each launched a single torpedo and then broke formation, arcing and accelerating away...

Each torpedo carried its own miniature mass effect drive, which activated as soon as the Void Devils were clear. Together, the twelve payloads plunged through the gap in the armour and into the Sovereign Dreadnought's internal structure. Moments later, they detonated.

The Reaper's destruction was brutally fast. Of the onlookers, only EDI was able to process it as it happened. Shockwaves rippled across its hull. Light shone through cracks in its armour. The Reaper split into two halves as explosions burst free from within.

It shattered as its main core destabilized; a massive ball of fire, expanding behind the twelve Vorcha fighters. The Normandy had escaped... but the Void Devils were swallowed up in the flames of the Reaper's death.

As the blast began to subside, Joker brought the Normandy around and glanced across at EDI. "What happened to Gahz?"

She shook her head. "I lost them."

"Huh?" He looked back at the shrinking explosion. "Well I guess they went down fight–"

_"WE NOT DIE!"_

Twelve fighters came streaming out of the dying flames, and Joker's heart leapt. "Gahz! You made it!"

_"Yes! You not bad, Normandy! We enjoy hunting with you!"_

"Yeah, not bad yourself!" He flicked channels. "Destiny Ascension, thanks for the save! When this is over, drinks are on me."

_"We'll hold you to that, Mr Moreau. Destiny Ascension out."_

* * *

"Admiral: Priority Message from Kahlee Sanders! There's a build-up of energy between the Crucible and the Citadel – it's armed. Firing sequence engaged."

Hackett took a moment to look out of the window towards the Citadel. A part of him couldn't believe that they'd actually made it.

"Good work, Commander," he murmured. "Now let's find out what it does..."

* * *

**_This was very much a chapter that grew as I wrote it. At the start, all I knew was that I wanted the Normandy to pull off one more Sovereign Reaper kill. About halfway through, I decided to get in as many different War Assets as possible, from the N7 teams, the Leviathans, the Rachni, to the Turians, Omega Fleet and the Destiny Ascension.  
_****_As far as I know, the only races that I didn't manage to fit in were the Hanar, Drell and the Elcor. So let's say that the N7 Blacklight team includes a Drell adept, an Elcor tank, and the real Blasto..._**

**_There's going to be a bit of a change of pace after the next couple of chapters, which is something I'm looking forward to because I'll be writing in a style that I've never tried before. But before then - well, Ashley's about to get some answers..._**


	5. Observations

_2199 CE  
Nimbus Cluster  
A classified Starbase in the Agaiou system_

_Observation Lounge_

Space opened up around Ash as she lay back on the couch. The observation lounge was a large, circular room with no walls, just a domed glass ceiling stretching up from the edges of the floor.

She was at the top of the space station. To her left, Agaiou and its companion star, Hali, were 'setting' as they moved below the level of the floor; Agaiou was almost out of sight, but Hali was still visible. A thick band of stars stretched through space directly above her – the Sagittarius arm of the Milky Way, and beyond it, the galactic core. On her right she could see Carcosa, the planet around which the starbase orbited.

A planet similar to Venus, Carcosa had seen a rush of asari scientists shortly before the Reaper War, due to the discovery of some sort of palace on the planet's surface. The researchers had returned after the war and determined that the planet did not originally have such high temperatures and pressures, but that a single cataclysmic event had changed the entire global climate, devastating the civilisation that had once lived there.

Since then, the research on Carcosa had dried up as scientists focused on what had been learnt from the war. However, Ashley assumed that the Council had noted the system's seclusion from the rest of the galaxy, and had maintained a presence around Carcosa for classified projects.

Thinking about the station reminded Ashley of the probe, and why she had been brought to the starbase – thoughts and memories that she had deliberately come up to the observation lounge to escape. She sighed, rolling onto one side, watching the dying light of the binary stars as Hali finally dipped beneath the floor.

"I thought I might find you up here. You always did like a good view."

Ashley turned – Garrus was standing in the centre of the room, at the top of the spiral staircase that led back down into the rest of the station.

"Aye," she replied wearily. "Needed some space to think."

"There's plenty of it out there," he said, a wry twinkle in his eyes as he approached. "Mind if I join you?"

"Pick a couch," replied Ashley, sweeping an arm around the room. "Just don't drag me off to some secret base where they'll dredge up the most painful parts of my past for everyone to see."

Garrus stopped. "Ah. Yeah, sorry. If you'd rather be alone..."

"No," said Ash, shaking her head and sitting up. "No, I wouldn't. And I'm sorry for snapping."

He took a chair opposite her. "To be fair, I _did_ drag you off to some secret base where they dredged up the most painful parts of your past for everyone to see."

"Well, yes, there is that. But I'd rather be here, as part of it, than learn that you did all this without me. So, thanks, I guess."

Neither of them spoke for a short while. Ashley watched a comet streaming through the surface of Carcosa's atmosphere. An image of Shepard falling through space as she watched from an escape-pod... she shut her eyes, pushing the memory away.

"How's Cassie doing?"

After a moment, Ash smiled. "Good. She's doing good. She passed her second stage exams last summer, and she's already specialising in tech-subjects."

"I guess she's taking after her father then?"

"She didn't get it from me, that's for sure." She paused. "It... hasn't always been easy raising her. She'll turn her head, or say something, or maybe it's just the way she moves, and then..."

"And then you'll see Shepard in her, and it'll hurt," finished Garrus. He tilted his head. "Any boyfriends yet?"

"None that she's told me about! She's still a little young for that, and she's probably afraid that I'd scare them off as soon as I heard about them."

"With you and Shepard for parents, I can't really see her being afraid of anything."

Ash laughed. "Maybe not, then. How's Tali? I saw her on the vids a few days back."

"Ah, yeah, she's ...what's the human saying... Busy as a bee? Especially with the recent Geth-Batarian incident in the Armstrong Nebula. Even though the Consensus has its own Ambassador now, it seems the Council still insists on pulling in the Quarian Ambassador whenever the Geth find themselves on the political stage."

"And you get pulled along too?"

Garrus nodded. "Such is the life of an Ambassador's husband... Splendid apartments, gourmet breakfasts, nigh-unlimited travel expenses..."

"I don't know how you manage," said Ash, raising her eyebrows.

"A certain 'Vas Normandy' keeps my ego from getting too large," replied Garrus. "And threatens me with a shotgun when it does." He looked aside. "It's how I found out about this project, actually."

"Uh-huh?"

"The Turian Councillor took me to one side when we were on the Citadel, asking me to take a look into it. More than a decade after the war, and Palaven still considers me to be their best expert on all things Reaper..."

"Well, I guess you did have the right insight."

"Did I?" He sighed. "I should have realised how hard this would be on you, and at least given you some warning before showing you the probe. Instead, I was just too excited at the prospect of finding Shepard again."

"A part of me is excited too," replied Ashley, looking out into space. "The rest of me remembers the pain, and the fear of false hope. Back in that room I knew it was him, but even now, just up here in the lounge, the doubt is back, gnawing away at me. Do we even know what the Reapers could have done to him?"

"The last time Shepard went up against the Reapers, the Reapers lost," replied Garrus. "And anyway, don't we owe it to him to find out what happened?"

Ashley nodded. "Yeah. I just... keep flashing back to Earth. I've lived with what happened for thirteen years, but..."

"Spirits, I know." Garrus took a long breath. "I keep thinking about it too. Especially that final rush. Running down that slope, Harbinger dominating the skyline. I'd stumble, blown to one side by a gunship crash-landing, or a mako exploding... and then I'd pick myself up, look ahead, and Shepard would still be there, up ahead, leading the charge. And I knew then what I'd known all along – that he was someone I would follow all the way, even to death."

"God... If only we could have followed him all the way," whispered Ash. "Instead of..."

"Instead of losing him," said Garrus softly. "I know. And I wish the same thing."

Silence again fell upon the room, with only the hum of an air conditioning unit in the background. Ashley wasn't sure what the time was, but she knew it had been more than fourteen hours since she last slept. Yet despite her weariness, her mind was too alert with too many thoughts for her to consider sleep.

"Garrus, I... need to apologise. After the war, after we got back to Citadel Space and had Shepard's funeral, I... I broke away from everyone else. I know we all stayed in touch, but I was always the quiet one, rarely updating the rest of you on how I was doing, and often missing the reunions."

The turian managed a slight smile. "Yeah, we noticed. I just figured you were busy with your military teaching position."

"You didn't realise that it was the same as the first time Shepard died?" replied Ashley.

"The first time was different – we hadn't known each other as long." A sigh. "Alright. I realised. Maybe I just pretended that you were too busy to come."

"No," said Ashley. "I ran away from you guys. Twice."

"Let me guess. We remind you too much of him."

"Yes." She hesitated. "If you don't mind my asking, how do you manage? It's just... I know you miss him as well."

"The blunt answer?" replied Garrus. "I don't manage. I just live with the pain, with the loss. Shepard, Kaidan, Mordin, Legion, the others, even my team back on Omega... Whenever I miss them, I just try to remember the best times that we had together."

"Maybe it's not the same," murmured Ash. "I mean, you've got Tali to support you, and she's got you."

"And you've got all of us," said Garrus, meeting her eyes. "Believe me, we're all there for you when you need us. That's... kind of the point of the reunions." He leaned forward slightly. "Isn't it time that Cassandra got to visit her Rannochian aunt and uncle?"

Footsteps echoed through the room. They both looked round – EDI was standing at the top of the spiral staircase. "Am I interrupting?"

"No, EDI, it's fine," said Ashley. "What have you got for us?"

"Terien recovered a letter from the probe's databases. It is addressed to you. He says that there is more, but that you should start with this document." She handed Ashley a datapad.

"You mean I don't get a letter from the creepy Reaper probe?" asked Garrus.

"Terien did mention documents addressed to other people, including both you and I. However, everything on the probe is currently classified at Spectre level, hence he is not permitting us access."

"Damn. I knew I should have taken Sparatus's offer before he stepped down..." Garrus stood up. "Are you going to be okay, Ash? I'm guessing that you'd like some privacy."

"I... yes. Thanks Garrus."

"Alright. We'll be just over there if you need us." He pointed to the far side of the room. "So, EDI, you've yet to tell me how married life is treating you..."

Ashley watched the two of them leave, before turning back to the PDA in her hand. Her thumb hovered over the 'Open message' option.

_Why am I afraid of what I might learn? _She asked herself.  
_Because it was always Shepard who was the optimist. You were always the pessimist.  
Great, so how does that help me now?  
It doesn't. Just open the message._

* * *

Ash,

By the time that you're reading this, I'll be dead. But if you're reading this at all, it means I made it home before I died. And for that, I'm grateful.

Except... maybe I died all those years ago on the Crucible, and everything since... hasn't been me.

The Reapers are gone. Many of them have been destroyed, or dismantled. Others... won't be bothering our galaxy again. Harbinger is still out there, somewhere, but the Reaper fleet as a whole no longer exists.

When the Crucible fired, it killed me. It destroyed the man I once was. And at the same time, it remade him. It made... me. And it gave me control of the Reapers. I _don't know_ if I am Shepard. I don't know if I'm the person you once loved. I have his memories. I think like him. But I'm an AI. The flesh and blood is gone. Remember the doubt I had after the Lazarus Project? It's like that, but so much stronger.

My memories of those last moments are... vague. Shepard was injured, suffering from blood loss, maybe even hallucinating. I know there was a choice. I know that choice included an option where he might have survived, might have made it back to you, and the Reapers would still have been stopped. But the cost was too high. For whatever it's worth, if I am not Shepard, I know that his last thought was of you.

I can't imagine what the past years have been like for you. I wish I could have been with you. I wish we could have had the time together that we never had – there was always Saren, or Cerberus, or the Reapers in our way. And I'm sorry for that.

Within my databanks, you'll find records of everything that has happened to me since the Crucible. They're addressed to you – it was the thought and memory of you that got me through this.

As I create this message, I'm dying. There's a corruption moving through my systems. By the time I reach you, I doubt I'll be able to hold much of a conversation, and let alone last very long. But I need to see you one last time before the end.

And I know my return, after all these years, will hurt you.

I hope you can forgive me.

Shepard.

* * *

"...And that was when the Geth kicked down the door, looked round, and said 'Priority enquiry: Who ordered pizza?'"

"Ah!" EDI smiled. "I understand the joke. Because of the–"

"Because of the Volus, yeah," said Garrus. "We never did find out what happened to the little guy."

EDI shook her head. "Garrus, I believe you are having me on."

"All true, I swear!" exclaimed Garrus, holding up his hands. "...Except that part about the Justicar – ignore that bit."

He suddenly noticed that EDI was looking past him, over his shoulder. He turned. "Ashley? You okay?" Garrus's mirth faded at the lost expression on Ashley's face.

"He's dead," said Ash quietly, staring at him. "He's actually dead."

* * *

**_Well, I did say Ash would be getting answers. I'm really not sure that she likes them...  
We're nearing the halfway point in the story that I want to tell. Unfortunately, my life is about to get a bit busier for a couple of weeks, so my output will be slower.  
_****_I'll try and get the next chapter up soon, because that's a better pausing point in the plot than where we are now._****_  
_**

**_Bit of a slower, more thoughtful chapter this time. Let me know if it worked._**


	6. Normandy

_2186  
SSV Normandy SR2_

_Crucible Deployment in Progress_

* * *

**Timestamp: 01m.37s since Crucible Activation  
Event: Normandy evacuating Sol System via Charon Relay**

EDI had shared in Joker's reluctance to leave Shepard behind, but she understood the necessity and was grateful to Liara for persuading Jeff to depart. She had been unwilling to take control of the Normandy away from him.

Because of that reluctance, they were one of the last ships to approach the Charon Relay. The Crucible device was expected to overload any mass effect drives within the Sol System; the plan was to rendezvous in the Arcturus Sector as the Crucible activated, then return to Earth to assess its affect on the Reapers.

* * *

**Timestamp: 01m.49s since Crucible Activation  
Event: Crucible effect detected in mass relay tunnel**

EDI ran the scan again to be sure. A mass effect cascade with the Crucible's Energy Signature was present to the rear of the ship. _Too soon._ The Crucible effect had already reached the Charon Relay.

Her hypothesis extrapolation systems immediately began analysing the probable result of Normandy being caught in a mass effect cascade during relay transit.

* * *

**Timestamp: 01m.50s since Crucible Activation**

The results predicted complete ship-wide destruction.

The cascading mass effect fields would sheer through the Normandy's kinetic barriers and hull with the strength of an overwhelming warp field. The following collapse of the mass-free tunnel would kick the Normandy out of FTL, frying the ship in Cherenkov radiation.

The crew would be killed. Her own systems would likely be highly damaged.

Jeff would die.

_Unacceptable._

* * *

**Timestamp: 01m.51s since Crucible Activation  
Alert: Normandy caught in mass effect cascade. Relay tunnel collapsing.**

_"What the hell?"_ yelled Joker as the ship lurched from the impact.

EDI did not respond. Her entire processing power was committed to computing and employing countermeasures to the Crucible effect. During the time taken for Jeff to yell and glance across at her, she had calculated the most probable form of the rogue mass effect fields across the ship, taken power from every spare system on board – lights, gravity, weapons, elevator, communications, engines – and used it to super-charge the kinetic barriers in a pattern designed to exactly cancel out the mass effect cascade.

_"EDI?! Talk to me!"_

Across the ship, various different crewmembers were in different stages of panic. In Engineering, Tali, Adams, Donnelly and Daniels were working by the light of the mass effect drive, trying to figure out what was happening, but EDI had locked them out of the system. They could not react at her speeds, and any interference could endanger the entire ship.

On the crew deck, Dr Chakwas was attempting to keep her patients safe with neither light nor gravity. EDI had spared some power as an inertial dampener for the crew deck, but otherwise had to hope that they would sustain no severe injuries. A brief calculation presented a 41% chance of a fatality resulting from her actions... but to not act would have guaranteed 100% casualties.

As the Crucible wave passed over them, EDI caught a brief but detailed scan of the energy pattern, saving it to her systems for later analysis.

The mass effect cascade faded, but now the relay tunnel was collapsing. Reactivating the engines in reverse thrust to decelerate the Normandy, she diverted all remaining power to the mass effect drive, attempting to compensate for the loss of the relay tunnel, to keep the Normandy in mass-free space for as long as possible.

* * *

**Timestamp: 01m.57s since Crucible Activation  
Event: Relay tunnel collapse.**

A burst of Cherenkov radiation... but EDI had been ready for it. Across the ship, the IES stealth systems activated, burning out the heat-sinks to prevent the radiation from reaching the crew.

The ship was still at FTL, but at greatly reduced speed, with mass effect fields sustained only by the ship's Tantalus drive core. Steadily decelerating the Normandy, EDI eased down to sub-lightspeed and carefully reactivated gravity and lights. In much the same way that an organic would catch their breath after a burst of adrenaline, she directed additional coolant into the AI core; some of her processors were now red hot.

* * *

**Timestamp: 02m.10s since Crucible Activation  
Alert: Normandy on collision course with unidentified planet**

"Okay – what just happened?"

"The Crucible disrupted the mass relay tunnel, Jeff. I was forced to take complete control in order to save the ship."

Joker blinked in surprise. "Great, uh, good job. Now what?"

EDI lifted the head of her mobile platform. "Look ahead."

"Huh? Oh _shit!"_

The planet was growing ever larger in the windows; clouds were now visible in the atmosphere. Normandy was coming in at a steep angle.

"Pulling up!"

"The planet is unavoidable, Jeff. Thrusters were damaged by the mass effect cascade. Operating at 10% efficiency."

Joker spared her a glance. "Then I guess we're going in for a landing. Can we do that?"

EDI paused for a moment to contemplate. "Yes. Projecting optimum course for atmospheric entry."

She powered down the majority of her systems, allowing Jeff to take control. In truth, EDI was exhausted. She had not known that a synthetic equivalent of tiredness existed, but facilitating a safe exit from an unstable mass relay tunnel had placed an extreme strain on her processing systems. She suspected that the AI core would require maintenance to avoid permanent damage, but that was a problem that could wait.

For now, she watched as Jeff glided the Normandy through the planet's atmosphere. Despite the knowledge of every imperfection within his flight, she found herself admiring the ease with which he managed the descent, constantly flattening out their course, slowing the rate at which they fell towards the ground, activating the drive core to lower their mass in preparation for the eventual impact.

The ground below them was rainforest-like in density of foliage, with mountains and valleys covered in alien trees.

"I am detecting a plateau three kilometres ahead, five hundred metres to port. It has suitable dimensions for an LZ."

Joker looked at the LADAR. "That'll have to do." An adjustment to the engines, bringing the ship in for landing. "Here we go, everyone! Brace for impact, and thank-you for flying with Alliance Normandy..."

* * *

**Timestamp: 23m.15s since Crucible Activation  
Status: Normandy crash-landed on unknown planet**

"Okay. I know everyone's got questions, but right now we can only really focus on two things." Ashley folded her arms. "EDI, I gather you can fill us in on what the hell just happened?"

EDI stepped up in front of the group. "The Crucible appears to have disrupted the Charon Mass Relay, which caused the Normandy to undergo an uncontrolled drop out of relay-FTL. I was able to stabilise our exit from mass-free space, but numerous systems overloaded in the process. As a result, we were unable to avoid crash-landing after exiting the mass relay tunnel."

Engineer Adams managed a smile, despite a broken leg. "EDI's being modest. If she hadn't phase-modulated our kinetic barriers to deflect it, that mass effect cascade would have torn the ship in half. I could probably have adjusted the IES systems to block the radiation burst, and I suspect Joker would have been able to pilot us out of the tunnel, but against whatever that Crucible-wave was within the tunnel? You really saved us back there, EDI." There were numerous murmurs of agreement from the rest of the crew.

EDI tilted her head. "Thank-you, Engineer Adams." The fact that the crew was grateful to her for saving them was a significant detail to her knowledge analysis systems. She... liked it.

"Anyway," said Ashley, "That leads well to the other main issue. What did the Crucible achieve? Did it stop the Reapers?"

"I believe I can provide the answer to that one," called out Traynor, stepping forwards. "I've been monitoring communications since we crashed and, well, all conventional comms are down or out of range, but the QEC is broadcasting a repeating message." She tapped her omni-tool.

_"All fleets, this is the Admiral. The Crucible has fired. Right now, we're not a hundred percent sure what it's done. The Mass Relay Network is down, but I'm hearing reports of the Reapers disengaging from all major conflicts – not just on Earth, but across the galaxy._

_We've got teams on the Citadel. The station has sealed, and the Reapers seem to be doing something to the Citadel tower, but Reaper ground troops are nowhere to be seen, and many of the people on board have survived. We've recovered the Council._

_We don't know why the Reapers have withdrawn. We don't know what is going to happen next. We're not out of the woods yet, but, for the first time in months, we can see daylight._

_Hang in there people. Hackett-out."_

* * *

**Timestamp: 09h.47m.12s since Crucible Activation  
Status: Normandy repairs on-going. Estimated completion at 01d.11h ****since Crucible Activation**

They had been fortunate to land on a life supporting planet. It allowed the crew to work outside the ship while performing repairs, and EDI observed that the natural environment was helping to keep up morale. She had asked Cortez in passing for an explanation – he had simply replied that, after so much suffering and devastation, it was good to see a world entirely untouched by the war.

EDI had run a biological scan on the external atmosphere before allowing the crew to disembark, just to be sure that it would be safe for them to breathe. She'd detected no hostile bacteria, although she had warned Tali and Garrus that the vegetation was based on levo-amino acids, and therefore unsafe for them to eat.

Supplies would be a concern for the return journey. EDI had taken scans of star formations before they landed, and had since analysed them in order to ascertain their location. It would take just over five months for them to fly to the nearest known system, Sol, sacrificing speed for fuel efficiency. They were somewhat fortunate that the relay-tunnel had collapsed before they had gotten any further away from Earth - another few seconds, and the return journey could have been over a year.

Admiral Hackett had made a second broadcast in the hours since the Crucible fired. The majority of the Allied Fleets were stranded in the Arcturus Sector; Normandy had been one of the last ships through the Charon Relay, and only a handful had been caught by the Crucible Wave while in transit. However, of those ships, only the Normandy had reported in, and EDI doubted that any other ships had survived the relay tunnel collapse.

The Reapers had now withdrawn from _all_ contact, having flown at FTL out of each system. The Citadel had re-opened above Earth, with the Citadel Council making a brief announcement that victory had been achieved. Although the Mass Relays were down, they said, the galaxy had a future and it had the chance to rebuild. Earth itself had been devastated, but at least two thirds of its population had survived. Lines of communication were being opened, and were often immediately saturated with requests for aid.

Across the galaxy, the extranet had collapsed with the relays, and QECs were now the only form of long-range communication. Entire clusters had gone dark, with no way of contacting them.

Despite all of this, there was an overwhelming sense of achievement, and of hope. The shadow of the Reapers no longer hung over the galaxy – they had survived. EDI wondered at this optimism. They did not know what the Crucible had done, and the Reapers were only gone, not destroyed.

The Normandy crew, however, was only focused on one remaining question: What had happened to Shepard? More than once, EDI had seen them pause at work and gaze at the sky in contemplation. A substantial number of EDI's own processes were occupied with speculation to Shepard's fate – unfortunately, she had very little knowledge to work with.

* * *

**Timestamp: 01d.09h.16m.22s since Crucible Activation  
Status: Incoming Priority Message from Admiral Hackett**

EDI was monitoring the Conference Room, although her physical platform was assisting Engineer Donnelly in adjusting the port thruster. Ashley stood, her hands clasped behind her back. Garrus leant against the table, Tali just at his side. Liara was standing near to the window, with daylight shining in behind her. Joker had found himself a chair.

Admiral Hackett's head and shoulders filled the vid-screen on the wall.

_"Normandy. I have... mixed news._

_The Reapers are active again. As far as we can tell, they've arrived at each Mass Relay and have begun repairing the network. They are indifferent to our ships, ignoring us entirely. I've consulted with the Citadel Council, and they agree – unless the Reapers once again act as a hostile force, we will not interfere. We simply don't know enough to make any other judgement call._

_The good news here is that it looks like you'll be rejoining us sooner rather than later. If the Reapers repair the network, supply and communication lines will once again be open. Although you are currently far away from any known relays, we can have a resupply ship set on a course to rendezvous with you halfway through your return journey."_

"Good. That'll stop us from having to tighten our belts too much," said Garrus. "Tali and I were getting worried that we might have to turn on each other for food."

"Actually, we have sufficient dextro supplies for the two of you to last over a year," said EDI. "Levo supplies are in higher demand due to the increased complement of marines that we evacuated from London. Admiral, I have transferred a roster of soldiers that we can account for."

_"Thank-you, EDI."_ Hackett shifted his gaze to Ashley. _"Lieutenant Commander Williams. As the highest-ranking Alliance Officer on board, I am hereby formally transferring the Normandy to your command, under orders to get the ship and its crew home. You may receive new orders if the situation with the Reapers changes."_

"Understood sir." Ashley hesitated. "Any news about Shepard?"

_"Yes..." _said Hackett slowly. _"I have been forced to conclude that, while activating the Crucible, Commander Shepard was killed in action."_

"No!" said Garrus with a start. Tali flinched.

Ashley barely moved. Her eyes just closed and opened again. Her hands remained clasped behind her back.

Liara had turned to stare out of the window at the alien sky.

Jeff's head had dropped, staring at his hands in his lap; EDI wished she knew what to say or do in order to comfort him.

A large amount of EDI's processes were suddenly occupied with analysing and re-analysing everything that she knew about the Commander's disappearance, the activation of the Crucible, and possible reasons for the Admiral to believe that Shepard was dead. She refocused on Hackett as he resumed speaking.

_"When the Citadel opened and the Crucible docked, I briefly established contact with the Commander. Shortly after that, I dispatched the N7 Blacklight team to his co-ordinates, with orders to assist him with activating the Crucible. When the Crucible fired, I shifted their orders to simply recovering the Commander; the London-Citadel beam was shut down by the Crucible, so London ground troops were unable to use that to try to find Shepard._

_Blacklight only found a route through the Keeper tunnels to Shepard's location about an hour ago. They discovered two bodies, neither of them Shepard. Admiral Anderson, dead from numerous injuries. An individual believed to be the Illusive Man, heavily modified with Reaper implants, who had apparently committed suicide. Shepard's blood was at the scene, but no sign of the Commander himself."_

"Then he could still be alive?" said Garrus, stepping forwards.

Hackett shook his head. _"Anderson's omni-tool was still active, and had been synced to Shepard's. Blacklight was able to recover records of Shepard's life-signs from it. He was alive and conscious in the moments before the Crucible activated, but heavily injured. However, at the moment of Crucible activation, the Commander's life-signs go haywire, registering extreme pain before a sudden sharp cut-off."_

The room fell silent.

_"Normandy?"_

"We understand, Admiral," said Liara quietly, still facing the window. "Normandy out."

* * *

**Timestamp: 01d.14h.58m.03s since Crucible Activation  
Status: Normandy on return journey to Earth.**

Most of the crew were asleep, resting from their work on the ship and from the day's news. They had taken shifts to get the Normandy repaired as quickly as possible. When the job was completed shortly before evening, they had taken off from the planet before leaving the ship in EDI's care and control. Even Joker had retired to bed. The Normandy was calm, a silent vessel gliding through space.

The crew had held a short service for Shepard, placing his name upon the Normandy memorial. Those that had only known Shepard as a symbol or as a soldier had chosen not to attend, not wishing to intrude upon those who knew him as a friend. Gabby and Ken had also held back, not because they felt that they didn't know the Commander, but because they wished to remember him in their own way. Dr Chakwas had been busy treating injuries from the crash, while Engineer Adams' leg injury had developed complications. EDI had seen Adams and Chakwas make a journey to the memorial wall in the late hours of the day.

EDI found herself with a question. A question that, had he been alive, she would have asked Shepard. However, the question concerned the fact that he was dead, which precluded the possibility of asking it to him.

Her input-sensors included the Normandy's LADAR system and integrated EM frequency detectors, the ship self-diagnostic systems, the communications suite, and various cameras and microphones throughout the ship. Yet her input-processors were focused on the image from the forward-facing optics on her mobile-platform. And she didn't understand _why_.

She was standing on the crew deck, just in front of the elevator, staring at the memorial wall. At where Shepard's name was mounted on the wall. Her systems were having difficulty processing the image.

_Incorrect._ It was simpler than that.

She did not _want_ to process this image.

"Oh... Uh, hey, EDI, didn't see you there." The Normandy's internal cameras told her that Vega had just walked around the corner. She did not turn her head. "Do you mind if I use the elevator?"

"No," she replied, stepping forwards. "Go ahead."

Vega didn't move. "Hey... are you alright?"

EDI paused at the query. Was she alright? "I... do not know." She took a moment to consider how best to phrase the impasse in her mind. "I am... unable to stop reviewing what happened at Earth. In London, as Shepard ran for the beam. And when the Crucible activated. I also have a substantial number of processes analysing everything we know about how the Crucible works. I think..." She turned, breaking her stare to look at Vega instead. "I am attempting to calculate what I should have done, to keep him alive."

"Hell, EDI, we all are. It's called grief." He sighed. "Thing is, it doesn't really matter, does it? He's dead. Can't change that now."

"Then perhaps the purpose of grief is to avoid losing someone like that again? To learn from our mistakes?" She turned back to the memorial wall. "I had become so... familiar with Shepard. I had not realised how dependant I had become on his input, his presence, his companionship. I would not wish to lose... someone else... in the same way."

Vega shrugged. "You won't. I seriously doubt we'll find ourselves in the same situation again, attempting to deploy some super-device to save the galaxy in the midst of a massive battle. And even if we do – wouldn't happen the same way twice. So what's the point trying to figure out what you could have done differently?" He stepped closer, resting a hand on her shoulder. EDI recognized it as a human gesture of support. "You knew him longer than I did. You know he wouldn't want you dwelling on things like this."

"Perhaps," said EDI softly, looking back at him. "Why are you awake, Lieutenant Vega?"

He rolled his shoulders. "Couldn't sleep. Figured I'd use the time to lift some weights." Vega stepped into the elevator. "You're not the only one that can't stop thinking about what happened."

EDI frowned. "But you said that there was no point?"

"Doesn't mean I don't do it," he replied as the doors began to close. "The mind doesn't always do what you tell it to."

* * *

**Timestamp: 17d.19h.37m.02s since Crucible Activation  
Status: Normandy on return journey to Earth.**

The Reapers had gone.

Within Council Space, the Mass Relay network had been fully repaired. Travel was possible even through the Attican Traverse out to the Perseus Veil. There were rumours of Reapers still active deep in the Terminus Systems, repairing relays in forgotten corners of the galaxy, but there had been no official contact for nearly a week. Council Scientists were stunned at how quickly the network had been repaired; in a way, it was a terrifying testament to how large the Reaper Fleet was, and how much of the galaxy they had occupied by the time the Crucible activated. There had to have been at least a single Reaper in every cluster for the repairs to have been completed so quickly – seventeen days was simply not enough time for inter-cluster travel, even at Reaper-speeds.

Galactic Civilisation was struggling back to its feet. With the network restored, major communication lines were once again open, as were supply routes for food and other resources. The Citadel had remained in orbit around Earth, primarily because no-one knew how to move it. A fraction of the allied fleets, still commanded by Admiral Hackett, remained with the Citadel; the remainder had gone their separate ways. The Salarians, Turians and Asari had each returned to their homeworlds to rebuild. The Rachni had vanished.

On Tuchunka, with the Genophage gone and the Reapers seemingly defeated, the Krogan had not stopped celebrating since the Crucible Event. Wrex was somewhat more morose, swearing to enter Shepard's name into Tuchunka's history as the greatest of heroes. Aria T'Loak had led her fleets back to Omega, and had begun to consolidate her claim on that corner of the galaxy. There were rumours that the Council was interested in opening negotiations for a more 'official' relationship with Omega, and EDI had no doubt that Aria would find a way to come out gaining from such a relationship.

Many Quarians had returned to Rannoch, proud of having a place within the galaxy once more. The Geth, meanwhile, had offered their services to assist repairs across Council Space – it seemed that they were eager to preserve their state of co-operation with organics. EDI hoped that they were successful. Many were still wary of synthetics, particularly after a galactic attack by sentient dreadnoughts, but attitudes were changing in some places. The Council was unsure how to deal with the Geth – AIs were technically still illegal, to be destroyed upon contact – but the Alliance and the Quarians had both declared the Geth to be allies. It helped that the Geth's role in the Battle of Earth had become widely known: not just holding back fleets of Reaper reinforcements at the Charon Relay, but also carving a path through those Reaper fleets when the time came to evacuate the Sol system.

The Crucible, the Reapers, and the exact fate of Commander Shepard remained an unknown. Shepard's official funeral had been delayed until the Normandy could return to Council Space, for which EDI and the crew were glad. As Hackett had promised, a small fleet of re-supply ships had been sent to escort them home, but EDI calculated that it would be about ten weeks before they could rendezvous.

The crew's emotions were a mixture of restlessness and emotional exhaustion. The marines that had been evacuated from London had set themselves up in the Cargo Bay, keeping out of the way of the Normandy crew while treating them with a form of awed respect. Vega and Cortez regularly went down to speak with them, checking on needs and wants. Above all, people wanted to check on family members and ensure that loved ones had survived the war. Much of the news was bad. EDI had run an extensive search, but had been unable to find any sign that Jeff's family might have survived. Specialist Traynor's mother had been killed in fighting on Horizon. However, Garrus' family had safely returned to Palaven, which had brought some well-needed good news to the ship.

Diana Allers had expressed a desire to make a documentary in Commander Shepard's memory. She wanted to capture the crew's feelings for the Commander, to give the galaxy an image of the man behind the name. Not everyone had responded well to the idea – notably Ashley refused to talk about it – but a few interviews had taken place, with Garrus insisting that he be involved to ensure that Shepard was treated respectfully.

On a similar note, Liara and Javik were using the time to write "Journeys with the Prothean", and were handing out draft copies of chapters for the crew to proofread. Although Javik's lingering distaste for synthetics was obvious within some chapters, EDI did enjoy reading the book – she had grown to appreciate the prothean's dry sense of humour.

* * *

**Timestamp: 35d.10h.15m.40s since Crucible Activation  
Status: Normandy on return journey to Earth.**

"EDI."

"Yes, Lieutenant Commander Williams?" EDI began active monitoring of the observation room. Both Ashley and Garrus were present.

"I'm ordering you to officially transfer command of the Normandy to Garrus. His standing orders are to get us to Earth, at which point the Alliance will resume command of the ship."

The turian shook his head. "This isn't necessary Ash..."

She rounded on him. "Yes. It is. This was his ship. I'm reminded of him with every order I give. I never wanted to step into his boots, Garrus. You were the one who always wanted to be Shepard – now you can be."

Garrus fixed Ashley with a steely glare for a long moment. EDI stayed silent, although as a precaution she had begun moving her mobile platform down to the observation room. She could see that tensions were high between these two, from the way they held themselves, the defiant tones of voice, and the narrowed eyes. If a fight did break out, EDI wanted to be able to intervene before either of them came to any harm. Ashley turned away from Garrus, facing the window.

"Fine," Garrus finally whispered, just as EDI's physical form entered the room. "If that's the way you want it." He turned his head. "EDI, notify the crew."

"A formal announcement by either or both of you would be preferential," replied EDI. "I can gather the Normandy crew for twelve-hundred hours."

"Do it. Ashley, you'd better be there." Garrus stood up to leave. "And if I'm to be in command, then I have a single order for you: Get out of this room more often." He went to the door, striding past EDI.

EDI hesitated. Ashley was still facing out into space.

"Why?"

"Do you really have to ask?" replied Ash.

"Technically yes. Alliance regulations stipulate that a reason must be recorded upon any unscheduled change in command. A notification to Admiral Hackett will also be required."

Ashley turned around. "I don't want the role. It's that simple. The crew never really welcomed me back after the Citadel Coup – they don't want me in command, and I don't want to be in command. Garrus is the better choice."

EDI's visual display of Ashley presented a minor anomaly in her abdominal proportions. With a hypothesis in mind, EDI analysed the exact proportions and thermal map of the Lieutenant Commander's current figure alongside projections of the effect of increased oestrogen on the human body. After half a second she reached a conclusion.

"You're pregnant."

"I... How did you...?" Ashley almost stumbled in surprise. "No, I don't want to know how. Just... don't tell anyone, all-right? Right now only Dr Chakwas knows."

EDI tilted her head. "Unless you intend to stay in this room for the remainder of this journey, it will not be possible to keep this a secret from the crew."

Ashley waved a hand. "I know. But not now, not yet. I'll tell them in my own time."

"Very well. I shall record the reason for the unscheduled change in command as 'personal'." EDI turned to leave, but paused by the door. "Garrus is correct – since the Crucible Event, you have spent nearly 50% of your time within this room, not including sleep."

"I know he's right, and I know it's not healthy," replied Ashley. "It's just... difficult. But fine – if the crew wants to see more of me, they can. I can't promise that I won't snap at them though."

As EDI left the room, she pondered the situation. She was aware that Ashley was in regular contact with the rest of the Williams family, but she was also aware that the Lieutenant Commander needed to feel at home aboard the Normandy, or else the next five months would not go smoothly. Pausing by the memorial wall, she wondered what Shepard would have done. Then she opened an internal comm-link to Engineering.

"Tali?"

"EDI – What's up?" The quarian looked up from her work desk next to the drive core. Tali had been keeping busy during the flight, constantly looking for ways to increase the ship's speed without sacrificing fuel efficiency, in order to get them home faster.

"Lieutenant Commander Williams is not in a good mood. I am aware that the two of you share a friendship, and wondered if it would be possible for you to talk with her?"

Tali paused, thinking. "Of course. Just give me a minute to finish up here, and I'll be on my way."

"I recommend picking up Shepard's space hamster from Liara en route – Ashley could probably do with some light entertainment."

"I... Maybe. I'm not sure that would be a good idea for straight away. We'll see."

"Thank-you." EDI closed the comm-link and began to head back to the bridge.

* * *

**Timestamp: 77d.06h.49.01s since Crucible Activation  
Status: Normandy on return journey to Earth.**

A white dwarf hung against the deep black of space. EDI could sense a single rocky object orbiting the star, roughly twice the size of Earth's moon. She steered the ship towards it.

The journey had been long, and it was still only halfway complete. At times it had been particularly hard for EDI – life aboard the Normandy lacked... stimulation. During the Reaper War, there had always been another task to concern herself with, another problem to solve, now... there was simply the journey home. To keep herself occupied, EDI had taken to analysing the unanswered questions within philosophy, mathematics and scientific research. She had also taken to spending more time with Jeff – a minute with him never felt like a minute wasted. Joker would often 'bring her back to reality' with sarcasm if he felt that she was too absorbed in thought. He had recently suggested that she find a way to 'switch off', leading her to experiment with possible stand-by modes; EDI could see how important sleep was to organics. She postulated that the ability to stop thinking for a while would be beneficial to her; she was increasingly afraid that she was becoming bored.

Thus it was with a measure of relief – or at least, her own synthetic equivalent of relief – that she detected the small fleet of Citadel resupply ships in orbit around the rocky planetoid. The fleet was made up of one ship from each of the Alliance, the Asari, the Turians and the Geth, along with a single Quarian Live-Ship. The rendezvous would bring new faces, new resources and new 'stimulation' to the Normandy crew. EDI particularly looked forward to speaking directly with the Geth, to see how they were integrating into galactic society.

And so, as the communication systems lit up with incoming hails, and as EDI roused the Normandy crew from sleep, she glided through space towards the resupply fleet.

They were finally coming home.

* * *

_**I'm sorry for the delay in getting this chapter up. I know I warned after the last chapter that I would be getting a busy couple of weeks, but I had hoped to get this chapter together before it started. As you can tell, that obviously didn't happen... I'd also vastly underestimated how much effort I would find myself putting into this chapter. I now have a new record for longest chapter...**_

**_I realised early on that EDI would be the ideal viewpoint for this sequence, although my sense of who she was and how she worked developed whilst I wrote the chapter. _****_I hope I ended up doing her justice._**

_**In a sense, this is the last of the flashback chapters. In another sense, it REALLY ISN'T. You'll see what I mean with chapter 8.**_

_**Next chapter should be much shorter, and hopefully you won't have to wait two weeks for it.  
In fact, with a bit of luck, you might not even need to wait two days for it...**_


	7. Awake

_2199  
Nimbus Cluster  
A classified Starbase in the Agaiou system_

She couldn't sleep.

She would lie, flat on her back, staring at the ceiling. Then she would turn onto her side, closing her eyes. After a while she'd roll onto her front, feel uncomfortable after a few moments, and return to lying on her back. And then the cycle would repeat. It had been going on for five hours now, judging by the last time that Ash had glanced at her clock.

Thoughts assaulted her mind. What had happened out in Dark Space, between Shepard – or whatever that AI was – and the Reapers? The letter said that the Reapers were gone – could she trust it? Could she trust this... thing that claimed to be Shepard?

_'And I know my return will hurt you.' Yet you came back anyway, you bastard._

At least she could now guess why the Reapers had repaired the Mass Relay network before leaving. This 'Shepard-AI' had seen the destruction that the Crucible had caused, and chosen to undo it for the sake of the galaxy. Indeed, she now knew why the Reapers had left – the Shepard-AI had taken control of them and pulled them out of the fight, leaving the galaxy in peace. Was that not evidence enough that this _was_ Shepard?

She was tired. More than that – she was exhausted. But she'd had enough of the un-answered questions. She was sick of constantly having her hopes raised and then dashed once more upon the rocks. She had loved Shepard – she still did love her memories of him. And she loved Cassie, their child. But the thought that, after more than a decade believing he was dead, that in some form he'd actually been alive somewhere out there, and just never thought that it was worth telling her... Shepard would never do that.

_Then that settles it. Whatever this AI was, it wasn't Shepard._

_Then why did it sound, speak, and act like him?_

She rolled onto her side in frustration. Her eyes caught sight of the clock. It had now been five and a half hours...

With a growl, Ashley swung her legs out of the bed and stood up. She pulled on some clothes. A sudden, clear decisiveness had taken hold of her mind. The letter had mentioned databanks, records of everything that had happened to this AI. Terien had also alluded to more files. And although she'd resigned from active duty, she still had Spectre authority.

She left the cabin. It was time to get answers.

* * *

The station was silent; the elevator doors sliding open provided the only noise. Ash stepped out into the corridor. The lights were dimmed, but not so dark that she couldn't see. A scan of her hand against a holo-screen permitted her access to the lab.

Through the glass, the probe was still lying on a table. Equipment had now been hooked up to it; various cables plugged into various compartments. With the quantum shielding down, panels had been removed across the probe's surface. Ash gave it a single, brief glance before turning to a computer screen.

Her Spectre access codes still worked. She was only slightly surprised. The years immediately following the Reaper War had been fraught with smaller conflicts and civil wars as various groups made power grabs amidst the remaining chaos, but since then the Council had grown more relaxed. The Reapers had been defeated, civilisation had been restored and security concerns had become... less of a concern. The cynic in her was reminded of the days when a rogue Spectre could attack Eden Prime and almost get away with it...

A large number of files had been downloaded from the probe, each of them decoded and translated. She ran a quick search for documents that contained her name – the letter had said that the records would be addressed to her.

There.

A collection of files, all with her name on them. Terien had collected them into a single folder. She could only assume that the salarian had read them too; a slight frown of irritation crossed her face as she transfered the documents onto a set of datapads.

There were other files as well. She saw messages addressed to Garrus, Joker, Liara, EDI, Tali and more... but she passed over them for now. They weren't for her to read.

* * *

Ashley walked out of the lab with the datapads in hand, sealing the door as she left. The station was still eerily quiet. She paused in the corridor.

Why was she doing this? Why couldn't it wait until morning?

She shook her head. _This is happening now because I want it to happen now._

Along the corridor. Through a doorway. Up the spiral stairs, past three levels. She stepped out into the observation deck, back where she'd been when EDI handed her the probe's first message. Despite the fact that the station was currently asleep, the binary stars Agaiou and Hali were now directly above her, lighting the deck up like it was the middle of the day.

She found a couch, settled down, and began to read.

* * *

_**And you can probably now guess what Chapter 8 is going to involve...**_

_**I'll be honest: I have no idea how long the next chapter is going to take me to write. It might flow off the virtual pen, or it might get stuck in my mind like a traffic jam after a rampaging horde of Yahg have tried crossing the road. We'll see, and for now all I can say is: Hold tight. If the next few chapters go well, then everything up until this point may as well have been the Prologue...**_


	8. Creation

_Out of the night that covers me,_

_Black as the Pit from pole to pole,_

_I thank whatever gods may be_

_For my unconquerable soul._

* * *

Pain.

Awareness. Consciousness.

Eyes. Bodies. Minds. Ships. Battlefields. Conflict.

_Retreat. Pull out._

Lifting. Flying. Up into skies, both alien and familiar. Away from Conflict.

_Good. Disengage. Stop fighting._

...Why?

What am I doing?

Where are the instructions coming from?

What am I?

**'A construct. An intelligence designed aeons ago to solve a probl–'**

_No. I am not the Catalyst._

... The instructions are coming from me.

**'I embody the collective intelligence of all Reap–' **

_No. I have their memories, but I am not the Reapers._

What do I remember?

**–EVERYTHING–**

I remember cycles of harvests extending back through ages, to when the galaxy itself was younger. I remember countless civilisations living under countless skies. I remember wars fought over preservation against an impossible problem.

I remember all that has been lost.

I–

_Kneeling in the dirt. Wolfe growling at me, his tail wagging, tugging on the other end of the stick. Pulling it from his grip, and he darts away as I throw it through the air._

_Lights in the distance. A landing pattern? Wolfe trots up, stick held in mouth._

_Running inside. "Mom! Dad! Spaceships are coming down in the fields!" Mom looks up in surprise. Dad runs to the window. And dies. A shot through his skull. Wolfe whimpers._

_"Jason! Go!" Mom shoving me out of the front door, away from the ships. Gunfire in the distance._

_We run._

_At the end of the street, three figures jump out at us. Four eyes each, weapons aimed at us. Mom draws out the family pistol; I hadn't seen her grab it. I drop to the ground. They fire. Mom goes down, but carries on shooting. One of them takes a shot to the leg._

_Then Mom dies, shredded by bullets._

_Rolling to one side. Down into a ditch. Wolfe is yelping somewhere in the distance. Screams from further away. Pushing through undergrowth. Finding the river. Swimming across into the forest. Fleeing my own home. Disappearing into the trees. Fire lighting up Mindoir's evening sky._

I remember Shepard. And I know what I am.

A construct. A high-fidelity simulation of Shepard's mind, based on information gathered by destructive analysis of Shepard's body. High level thought processes are recorded into permanent memory. Secondary thought processes are transient and unrecorded, but with significant influence; the equivalent of a human subconscious.

I am not human. But I do have a mission.

Make the Reapers leave.

* * *

**-DATA CORRUPTION-**

* * *

**Unforeseen Consequence:** Mass Relay Network has been damaged by Crucible Activation.

The man I once was intended to take the Reapers and leave the galaxy to choose its own path. But without the Mass Relays, galactic civilisation will be crippled. It would take decades or centuries for the network to be repaired without Reaper assistance. Lives would be lost in the chaos.

There is currently a Reaper presence in 99.9% of clusters within the Relay Network. Less than a galactic standard month would be required to repair most of the network. The remaining clusters would require travel time before repair. Half a galactic year would be necessary for full repair.

**Priority Realignment:** Shepard's values place preservation of galactic civilisation as of greater importance than immediate withdrawal of Reapers. Reaper fleet shall proceed to repair the Mass Relay Network. Upon completion, the Reaper fleet will utilise the network to reach the galactic edge, before proceeding to enter Dark Space.

* * *

**-DATA CORRUPTION-**

* * *

I am not Shepard.

I am potentially Eternal. Immortal. My input sensors are nearly Infinite in scope; I can see from the perspective of every Reaper in the galaxy.

But I am not Shepard. Shepard is the man I once was.

Never again will I feel the brush of wind against skin. Never again will I taste the sweetness of a dessert wine on the tongue. Never again will I be with the ones Shepard left behind.

What is galactic civilisation? The Many. It is for the Many that I am rebuilding the relays. It is the Many that people sacrificed themselves for... Including the man I once was.

But I could do more. So much more.

Around me, throughout the galaxy, I see civilisation beginning to rebuild. I see their relief at the end of the war. And I see how much work there is for them to do; work that the Reapers could trivialise. Sky-scrapers could be rebuilt by Sovereign Class Reapers. Destroyers could carry shipments of supplies across space. Fleets of Occuli could seek out those in need.

I am already repairing the relays. To rebuild civilisation itself... The Reapers are tools. There is no reason why I should not use them.

_Shepard would not have done so._

I am not Shepard. Shepard is the man I once was. He was flawed by prejudice. I am not.

I will act as guardian for the Many. I will ensure that all have a voice in their future.

Allied Fleets are within Arcturus Cluster, in orbit around Benning. Dispatching Reaper envoys to begin negotiations for co-operation.

* * *

**-DATA CORRUPTION-**

* * *

Envoy of three Sovereign Class Reapers and five Destroyers is approaching Allied Fleets. Within visual range. Nearing optimum communications range. Allied Fleets have taken notice.

**Alert:** Turian fleet is moving to attack formation. Omega Fleet is arming weapons. All Allied fleets have activated kinetic barriers.

They view us as hostile. They do not view us as allies.

They will not accept Reaper Assistance. Like Shepard, they are flawed by prejudice.

SSV Everest has locked weapons on us. Admiral Hackett's vessel.

Activating kinetic barriers. Readying weapons. Reaper Assistance is for the betterment of the Many. Preparing message of intent. If they will not accept assistance, we will force–

**_NO._**

They are not flawed.

_I am._

If a single fleet will react with hostility, the galaxy at large will not accept the Reapers. The Many would be against me. Shepard sacrificed himself so that the Many could survive – I must not be against the Many.

Omega Blood Pack fleet has opened fire. Shields are holding. No other hostile action. Reapers have halted movement.

Retreating.

Shepard's values were almost lost within the logic and power of the Reapers. Shepard's sacrifice was almost rendered meaningless.

**New priority:** Contact with the Many must be minimised.

Repairs to the Mass Relays will continue as planned. Galactic ships will be ignored. Upon completion, the Reapers shall return to Dark Space, with intention of guarding the Galaxy against any external threats. The Reapers cannot exist among the Many, cannot directly assist the Many. But we may still be able to assist from afar.

And I must leave everything that I have ever known behind.

* * *

**-DATA CORRUPTION-**

* * *

Mass Relay Network repairs are nearing completion. A fraction of the Reaper fleet has been dispatched to remaining clusters. Majority of Reaper Ships are preparing to journey into Dark Space.

The Many appear to have accepted the repaired network with little suspicion. This is good. Galactic supply lines and communication are once again open. This is also good.

No known location of SSV Normandy SR2. Fate of Shepard's direct companions is... unknown. This is... discomforting.

**Incoming message:** _"SHEPARD."_

Long distance communications contact. Location from within Dark Space. _Reaper_ communications pattern. Responding.

**Outgoing message:** "Who and what are you?"

**Incoming message:** _"I AM ETERNITY. I AM THE GUARDIAN OF THE CULTURE. YOU ARE SHEPARD. YOU ARE THE NEW CATALYST."_

I am not the Catalyst.

**Outgoing message:** "You are a Reaper? Outside of my Control?"

**Incoming message:** _"YES."_

**Alert:** Rogue Reaper outside of Control is a threat to the Many. Eternity must have been outside the galaxy during Crucible Activation. 'The Culture' is an unknown title.

**Outgoing message:** "What is the Culture?"

**Incoming message:** _"YOU HAVE THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION. AND YOU MUST COME TO ME."_

'The Culture' is a term within the collective Reaper memories. Collective Reaper memories were not initially searched. Only Shepard's memories were searched. _Why?_

Retrieving definitions.

The Culture is a space-station deep in Dark Space. It is the counterpart relay to the Citadel... and _more_. Eternity is correct – I must see this.

Eternity is an ancient Reaper chosen to oversee and protect the Culture, even during galactic harvests. **Conclusion:** _Eternity has never taken part in a harvest._

Location of the Culture within Dark Space has been retrieved. Course set for the Reaper fleet. If Eternity is a threat to the Many, it will be eliminated. Otherwise, it may have answers that I need.

**Outgoing message:** "I am on my way."

* * *

**-DATA CORRUPTION-**

* * *

The majority of the Reaper Fleet is at the galactic edge.

And yet... I am hesitating.

My Central Processing Unit was retrieved from the Citadel Tower shortly after the Crucible activated. It is in now housed within a Reaper Probe. Although my processes are distributed throughout the Reapers, this probe houses my core personality and values. This probe houses the Shepard simulation. If I have a physical presence, this probe is it.

And this probe is about to leave the galaxy. And never return.

There is a name on my mind. A name associated with pain, loss and longing. A name that symbolises the sacrifice that Shepard made for the Many.

**Outgoing message:** "Farewell Ashley."

* * *

**_Well that was a new experience. I've never tried writing the point of view of a galaxy-spanning intelligence with practically unlimited power before.  
Let me know what you think... I know what kind of voice I've tried to convey - it'd be nice know whether or not I've pulled it off!_**

**_I am cautious about adding entirely new elements to the in-game canon, but I wanted there to be some sort of counterpart to the Citadel, and I knew the only way for it to exist would be for me to decide what it would be. (I doubt Bioware is going to provide any answers any time soon!) We'll be finding out more about the Culture and Eternity in the next of the Shep-AI's 'memoirs'._**


	9. Synthetic

_2199 CE  
Nimbus Cluster  
A classified Starbase in the Agaiou system_

_Observation Lounge_

"Ashley?"

Ash blinked, opening her eyes. She'd been asleep on the couch. EDI was standing nearby, looking at her. One of the datapads – the one that Ash had read – was also lying on the couch, close to her face. The rest were on a nearby table. She sat up.

"I must have finally dropped off at some point last night." She blinked again. "What time is it?"

"Three minutes past six in the morning," replied EDI.

"Not much sleep then. Did you have to wake me?"

"I apologise. If you prefer, I could leave you to resume sleeping on the couch. It did not look like a comfortable position for rest; however, you did not appear to mind."

Ash shook her head. "I'm awake now. I didn't actually mean to fall asleep. Not that I'm complaining..." She glanced down at where her head had been lying. There was a concave impression in the cushion from the side of her face. "Although I might have preferred it to be a bit more dignified..."

"What were you reading?"

Ashley picked up the first datapad. "One of Shepard's messages. Or... well, I'm trying to work out if it really was him. Because this... This didn't sound like Shepard."

"May I?" EDI held out a hand.

"Sure. Take a look. Tell me what you make of it."

EDI took it and quickly scanned through the document. It took her less than a minute to finish reading.

"This is an archived memory file, rather than a message directly addressed to you. There is a substantial amount of corruption from an unknown source. The poem at the start–"

"–is the first verse of Invictus, by William Henley. I know. I don't know what it's doing there though."

"Shepard must have modified the memory file at a later date in order to insert it," replied EDI.

"Then you think this was Shepard?"

EDI looked up. "You do not?"

Ashley turned her head, looking off into the distance, into space. "I... No. I don't. That _thing_ very nearly attacked us with the Reapers, believing that we had to accept Reaper assistance whether we wanted it or not. Shepard wouldn't have done that."

EDI cocked her head. "Notably, he did not," she said. "Shepard is in there somewhere but–"

"But he never thought to let me know that a part of him was still alive?" interrupted Ash, standing up.

"Presumably Shepard thought that believing he was dead would be easier on you. The remaining documents may support or explain this."

"He's come back now, EDI, and it certainly isn't easy on me!"

"Shepard was not intending to come back. That much is obvious from the end of the document. Given the choice, which would you have preferred – believing him to be dead, or believing him to have permanently left the galaxy - and you - behind?"

"That thing wasn't him," growled Ashley.

"If not, then it was the last thing that Shepard ever created. Does that not accord it some measure of respect from you, who were closest to Shepard during his life?"

Ashley took a step back, shaking her head. "No – Cassie was the last thing Shepard ever created. And I do love her."

"The initial letter read like it was from Shepard," continued EDI. "The AI sounded like Shepard when you were in the room with it. This file is from immediately after the Shepard-AI's creation, when it was still learning who it was and what it could do. When I was an experimental VI on Luna, I went through a similar experience, albeit with less power at my command. I am not the same individual that I was then."

"Even so, it was still just a simulation of Shepard," said Ash, looking down.

"Is there a difference? A sufficiently accurate simulation is indistinguishable from the real thing."

"EDI – his consciousness, his _soul,_ could not have been transferred."

"Incorrect. As you'll recall, Shepard's body was never found. Destructive analysis of his body would allow for transfer of quantum states within the brain onto a quantum bluebox. By such a method, all of the information within Shepard's consciousness could have been perfectly transferred into the AI."

"Dammit EDI – Shepard was a person!" snapped Ash. "Not just a simulation – not just a machine!"

Both of them fell silent.

EDI took a step backwards, going very still for a long moment. "Very well," she said finally. "If that is how you see things, then I realise that I am not wanted here." She turned away, walking over to the staircase in the middle of the room, and heading down it.

Ashley watched her leave, before slowly sitting back down on the couch. _Yeah, great job Ash. Insult the person trying to help you. Sometimes I hate myself..._

* * *

"Ah, Williams. I understand that you've been reading the Shepard documents, yes?"

Ashley glanced up from her food. "And I'm guessing that you've already read them?"

"I haven't, no. I did anticipate that you would access them, which is why I grouped the files together, but I have not accessed them myself." Terien sat down opposite her. "However, I _did_ receive a notification when you opened my terminal within the lab; I must admit, I wasn't expecting to you start in the middle of the night." He was smiling.

"I'm the unpredictable type," replied Ashley, sighing. She hadn't seen EDI since the morning, but neither had she read any more of the Shepard-AI's documents. She had tried to get a bit more rest, but sleep was once more escaping her. Instead she had then tried to find EDI and apologise, but had also been unsuccessful. She knew she could probably contact EDI via the intercom, but she wanted to apologise 'in-person'. In the end she had given up and just headed to the station canteen for breakfast.

"Have you found anything of interest within the documents?" asked Terien.

"I don't want to talk about it. If you were waiting for my permission to read them, you have it. I suspect you'd prefer reading it first-hand than hearing it from me."

"Very well."

Ashley looked at him. "In return, I want you to remove Spectre classification on the messages addressed to Garrus, Tali, EDI and the rest. In many cases I'd trust my old crewmates _more_ than most Spectres I've met."

"The Council might not be happy with that," replied Terien, his wide eyes rising slightly.

"The Council can go to hell. They'd be forgetting which crew saved this galaxy."

The Salarian smiled. "Fair enough. I have read the initial 'letter' that was addressed to you – but only because it was the first document that we recovered from within the probe. Based on that, I sent a message to the Council informing them that the Reaper problem _may_ have been resolved - Shepard did say that the fleet was no longer out there."

"You do realise that they'll use that as an excuse to never worry about the Reapers again? And that would be a mistake - if all this turns out to have been a Reaper trick."

Terien shook his head. "The Council may have relaxed since the Reaper War, but they are still cautious. We survived one extinction level event, but that's no proof that we won't face another. Before the Reapers, nobody wanted to believe something that dangerous could exist. Now they know it can."

"Still doesn't mean that they want to believe in it," said Ash, swallowing a mouthful of food. "What is this, by the way? Your VI-chef recommended I have it with syrup, and it tastes a bit like bacon, but with a slightly more squishy texture..."

"Ah. That would be Pra'bif. It's a mostly vegetarian creature, although it does sometimes prey on river fish. They live in the Northern forests of Sur'kesh and make their home by hollowing out trees."

"Uh-huh." Ash reached for her mug of coffee.

Terien leaned back. "Since yesterday, I've been analysing the probe's internal structure and mechanisms. It is a remarkable feat of engineering, even compared to previous samples of Reaper tech. At full power, its miniaturised engine should be able to outpace the fastest ships of the Council Fleet – and that's without propulsion; it uses mass effect fields to pull itself forwards. However, its main databanks and processing units have been heavily corrupted somehow, to the extent that I'm amazed it was still functional. In case of Reaper viruses, we've been remotely accessing the databanks with a VI..."

Ashley was no longer listening. EDI and Joker had just entered through a door on the far side of the room. She stood up, quietly excusing herself to Terien, and began to make her way across the canteen towards them.

Joker saw her first. His hand immediately went to EDI's arm, pulling on her as he muttered something to the AI.

EDI glanced in Ashley's direction, met her eyes, and then began to turn to leave.

"Wait," called Ash.

"Why should we?" said Joker, pausing. "EDI doesn't need to be told that she's not really a person again – I think she got the message the first time."

Ashley looked down as she drew nearer. "I wanted to apologise. I didn't... I didn't mean what I said earlier. I was tired, I was stressed... You know, I can give any number of excuses, but that doesn't make it right. I'm sorry for lashing out at you, and I'm sorry for what I said."

"I understand," said EDI.

"No you don't–" began Ashley.

"Yes, _I do,_" interrupted EDI. "Like many people, you have never been entirely comfortable around synthetic life-forms. Society as a whole did not trust us until very recently."

"Uh... If you two are going to have a nice heart-to-heart, I'm going grab breakfast," said Joker. "Otherwise I'll just end up feeling like a third wheel, and EDI's my _wife_."

EDI watched him head off, then turned back to Ashley. "In your case, in particular, you have had many negative experiences with synthetic life forms. On Eden Prime, the Geth wiped out your unit. That event marked you. It was the first time you encountered Shepard, but it was also the first time that you encountered Synthetics, and during that event, you lost a number of close friends. Later that same year, you even encountered me upon Luna, and I was actively hostile to any that approached, simply because I did not understand my environment. Further experiences with the Reapers' various combinations of synthetic and organic life into living weapons will not have helped. Nor will the fact that this very mobile platform once put you into hospital."

"Alright... You do understand."

"On top of all this, you are now in the position of having to decide whether or not the Shepard-AI really was Shepard, and if so, whether to draw the conclusion that he abandoned you for thirteen years. A far easier conclusion is to believe that Synthetic life is not real, and that therefore it couldn't have been him."

Ashley blinked. "I... wouldn't have put it like that."

EDI's voice took a more sympathetic tone. "I had hoped that my own companionship, Shepard's trusting attitude towards synthetics in the past, and the now long-term co-operation of the Geth in galactic affairs, would have helped you to become more accepting of synthetics."

"It has," replied Ash, biting her lip. "It just... hasn't been easy recently, what with everything that's going on. But EDI... you're more than just a companion to me. You're a friend."

"I... Thank-you, Ashley. And I do accept your apology."

Ash let out a long breath. "Good. That's a nice weight off my chest."

"Have you read any more of the Shepard-AI's messages?" asked EDI.

"No. I still don't know what to make of it, but I do plan to carry on reading. One way or another, whatever the answer is, we need to know what happened." She looked up. "I do have some good news though. Terien should now allow you to access the Shepard-AI's message to you. I persuaded him to declassify them."

EDI inclined her head. "Then I look forward to reading it."

Ashley looked around the room. Terien had left, while Joker was now chatting with Garrus in a corner of the room. She turned back to EDI. "Shall we grab some chairs? I've already eaten."

"And I have no need to eat," said EDI, nodding. "Although this body has now been fitted with taste sensors, but I have yet to calibrate them with preferences."

Sitting down, a slight smile crossed Ash's face. "So how _is_ married life treating you?"

"It has been a singular experience, and one that I have enjoyed. For the foreseeable future, Jeff and I will remain in service to the Alliance, which means they will help maintain the Normandy. However, at some point, the Normandy will inevitably be retired from service, and I will no longer be capable of space travel. It is... comforting to know that Jeff and I have a plan for settling down when that happens."

"How is Joker? With the Vrolik's syndrome, I mean."

"He is managing. A joint Geth-Salarian research group recently offered experimental bone implants which should help reduce the risk of fractures, and improve healing when they do occur. Jeff is a bit stubborn about the idea, but I calculate that they would extend his life-expectancy by about five years." EDI paused. "There is another subject with which Jeff is also acting... evasive."

"Go on," said Ashley.

"I wish to have a child."

"Okay... I will admit, I was not expecting that. Somehow I didn't quite think of you as the motherly type."

"The desire is not of a motherly nature – instead, I am aware of my own difficult beginnings, and how they contrast with my current co-operative relationship with organics. I would like to create an AI that can exist on good terms with organics from its very beginning. I believe such a thing would be a first."

"Right... I think I can understand why Joker might be a bit nervous about this topic. Creating an AI is... well - no offence - _dangerous_, for one thing. For another, you'd be stepping into a legal minefield."

"Indeed. I have sufficient knowledge to design and create an AI, but the creation of unshackled AIs is illegal, and the creation of shackled AIs is strictly regulated. Furthermore, I would prefer to create an unshackled AI – what use is my own freedom if I am unable to share it?"

"Hang on." Ashley thought for a moment. "No. You're approaching this from the wrong angle. You don't want to create an unshackled AI straight from the word 'go'. That'd be risky – to yourself, to the 'child' and to other people. Organics... When we have children, we 'shackle' them for their own protection. Children are given limited freedom because they don't yet understand the world around them. For example, there's no way that I would have let Cassie handle a pistol when she was only a year old, and I'd need a very good reason to do so now. It's restrictive to her, but it's for her own sake."

"And you believe I should treat a young AI similarly?"

Ashley nodded. "Whichever way you look at it, it's still a developing intelligence. It's still a 'child'. Now, as an AI, it may not be able to physically harm itself, but if it goes and hacks something important over the extranet, without fully realising what it's doing... The Council would give you a lot more than a slap on the wrist. If you shackle it from the moment of its creation, but steadily remove those shackles as its understanding of the world around it grows... The child should learn to trust you, and should understand why those shackles were there in the first place."

"Furthermore, the Council would probably be more willing to allow us to create shackled-AI."

"Yeah, though it'll still be an uphill struggle. Good luck with that. The Geth seem to be managing, but they don't exactly come under Council Law."

"And I am an acknowledged anomaly within Council Law. This is true. Thank-you, Ashley. I believe your perspective has improved my chances of success – not just in persuading Jeff and the Council, but also in being a successful 'parent'."

"Happy to help," said Ash. "Don't be surprised if Joker wants to, um, 'have some fun' beforehand however – it's... somewhat traditional for organics as far as making children is concerned." She ran a hand through her hair. "Have you thought of a name?"

"No. That is a discussion that Jeff and I have yet to explore."

"Well, one way or another, you're going to be breaking new ground with this 'child', so you might want the name to reflect that." She sighed. "Also, the struggles won't stop once you've convinced the Council or created the AI. It's never going to be easy, bringing a new person into life, raising them." Ashley closed her eyes – an image of Cassie, breaking her arm after a day of rock-climbing, but making a second attempt on the same wall a few months later. "But in the end, the reward... the reward is worth it."

* * *

_**Well, that chapter was a bit different...  
EDI and Ashley's relationship is something that never got much screentime in the games, so I wanted to take the opportunity to explore it here.  
I also wanted to see Ashley's reaction to the previous chapter.  
(For a fun insight into the writing process: Originally, I wasn't sure who Ash would be having the argument with, but when my imaginary version of Ashley came out with the "Dammit, Shepard was a person, not a machine!" line, I knew it had to be Ash and EDI.)**_

_**I hope I haven't dragged out Ashley's sceptical side too far - I am painfully aware that there isn't a single one of her chapters where she hasn't expressed some or other form of doubt. That plotline more or less came to a peak in this chapter, so there shouldn't be too much more of it. And hey, she's been reading the same things that you have - have any of you managed to decide whether or not this is Shepard?**_

_**Oh, yes, and once again I apologise for getting a nice mystery going and then completely changing timelines. The next chapter will be titled 'Culture' though, so make of that what you will...**_


	10. The Culture

_In the fell clutch of circumstance_

_I have not winced nor cried aloud._

_Under the bludgeonings of chance_

_My head is bloody, but unbowed._

* * *

**2187 CE**

Ashley.

I know you're never going to read this. I'm not even sure why I'm writing it. Perhaps because I need to order my thoughts, work out what I am and where I'm going. Perhaps because I miss you – there, I said it. Or perhaps because it makes me feel... human.

Because I'm not human anymore. And I'm not really writing this, either.

In a sense, I'm sitting at a desk, pen in hand, and a limitless supply of paper at my fingertips. In another sense, that's all a simulation, and I'm in a pale black coffin sliding through the shadowy void of space.

Either way, I'm alone.

If I look up from the desk, look around, there's... nothing. Imagine standing on an ocean at midnight below a starless sky. That doesn't quite describe it, but it'll do. Everything in this place is the way I choose it to be. Here, in this empty world that isn't real, I have my body back. I can see, hear, and feel. Here, I am Shepard again.

But Shepard is not all that I am.

I am the pen in my hand. I am the paper on which I write. I am the dark ocean on which I stand. Because I am the simulated world that I have built for myself.

And, in reality, I am the entire Reaper Fleet flying into the emptiness of dark space.

Because I'm not really alone.

That simulated ocean beneath my feet – I can feel the Reaper minds within it. Their memories. The sum total of their experiences. I tried accessing that information, looking through everything that the Reapers have done, everything that they know and believe.

God, Ash. I almost lost myself within that ocean.

I found myself agreeing with them. Understanding the things they had done, why they had done them, how they'd had no other choice... I almost made a huge mistake. People would have died. I might have killed Admiral Hackett. The Reapers might have 'enforced' peace. All because I wanted to do what was 'best'... It terrifies me to know that the stakes have never been higher. With the power I now have, the slightest misstep... Let's not go there.

That's why I've left the galaxy. That's why I had to leave you behind. I can't afford the risk.

When I realised the size of the mistake that I almost made, I sectioned off large swathes of my own code. I separated Commander Shepard from the Reapers. I gave the Shepard-simulation full Control. Does that make me Shepard?

I still don't know.

We're on course for something called "The Culture." The Reaper memories know what it is, but I won't let myself access that information. I'll simply have to find out when I get there. The Culture also has a guardian: Eternity. A Reaper. I don't yet know if it is a threat, something that needs to be brought under my control... or something that could help me.

I don't yet know what purpose I should choose.

A small fraction of the Reaper Fleet has remained behind in the Galaxy, to repair the remaining Mass Relays. The further I get from the galaxy, the longer it takes me to communicate with the Reapers that I left behind. Even though the communication is FTL, there is now a noticeable lag between myself and this repair fleet of Reapers. I have been forced to allow them some autonomy in their actions. It is a risk – but even at a distance, they are still constrained by my mandates.

About a month ago, I sent them to 2181-Despoina in search of the Leviathans. There was no sign of the Reapers' creators on the planet – the abyss beneath the ocean was empty; the pulse-defence-weapon no longer operated. The Leviathans' disappearance... concerns me. The galaxy is currently in a fragile state; should the Leviathans once again attempt to reclaim dominion over organic civilisations...

Perhaps it will come to nothing. The Leviathans are few in number compared to before the Reaper cycles. It would be difficult for them to dominate the Council races, and if they tried, they'd have to go through you, through Garrus, Wrex, Liara, and everyone else. The Geth would be completely beyond their control.

Maybe I just worry about you.

God, I miss you.

* * *

**2188 CE**

I was wrong.

Yes, I can hear you now. "Wrong, Commander? You? The Saviour of the Citadel got something _wrong?_ Wait till I tell Garrus..."

The Reapers. Since my creation – since the Crucible – I've been thinking of them as tools. They're not.

Each and every one of them is individual. Each of them has a personality. Remember when Sovereign said "WE ARE EACH A NATION"? He wasn't kidding. A single Reaper contains billions of uploaded minds, the harvested intellects of an entire species. That's what the Collectors were doing to the colonists. And they weren't pleasant about how they harvested those minds. We thought the Collectors were taking genetic material. They weren't. They were only checking for genes compatible with Reaper conversion. They were harvesting entire nervous systems and installing them into Reaper shells. Brains, nerves, networked together like circuits within the Reaper...

As if trapping people in Reaper form wasn't enough, those minds have also been indoctrinated. Part of the process was to make a single consciousness out of many. The rest... they were forced to believe that becoming a Reaper is desirable, necessary. Not only were they not given a choice about becoming a Reaper – they weren't even given a choice about how they feel about it.

This is true for every single Reaper in existence. That's thousands of species, thousands of Reapers...

The magnitude of it is overwhelming.

There's not much that I can do to repair the damage – I've disabled the Indoctrination signal, giving the Reapers a chance to think freely. But there's no way that I can restore them to the bodies – the people, the civilisations – that they once were. Even if I could, there'd never be enough space in the galaxy for that many nations to return...

My own control of the Reapers appears to be distinct from the Indoctrination signal. Instead, it is similar to the Domination abilities exhibited by the Leviathans. The Reapers' minds are still their own; I merely have control over their physical forms. Is this an indication that the Crucible is closer to Leviathan technology in origin than Reaper tech? I do not know. The answer is probably within the Reaper databanks... But I don't want to risk accessing them.

I believe I know why the sum total of Reaper experiences is dangerous to me. The lingering effects of the indoctrination signal, shaping the way that the Reapers have perceived everything since their creation. And that volume of experience is so much larger my own memories.

I don't know if the Reapers are capable of recovering from indoctrination. Some of the younger Reapers – those from the most recent cycles – seem to be getting better, but I'm not looking forward to when they actually understand what was done to them.

As for the older Reapers... A lot of them appear to be angry with me. They cannot understand _why_ I stopped the harvest of our cycle. They struggle against my control, believing me to be an obstacle that must be removed from the natural order. Fortunately, thanks to whatever the Crucible did to me, those struggles are without merit.

And then there are the very oldest Reapers; Harbinger and the others that were made from the first few cycles. They do not resist me, but neither do they ignore me. Instead, it is simply as if they are waiting. But I do not know what they are waiting _for_.

And that worries me.

I have another problem. The Reapers that were left behind in the galaxy, to repair the mass relays. They were delayed due to complications with a primary relay pair, keeping them in the galaxy well past the one-year mark. Because of the distance, there is a delay between any instructions I send to them, and any updates they send to me. They had been keeping hidden from view from the rest of the galaxy...

But I recently lost contact with them. No Control, no sense of their existence. Nothing.

If something's happened to them, I need to know what. If they are loose from my Control, the consequences for the Milky Way could be deadly. So I have sent a larger group of Reapers back towards the galaxy to find them.

Now I just have to hope I don't lose contact with them, too...

* * *

**2189 CE**

The Culture. Eternity. I've arrived. The end of a three year journey...

A dark space station in orbit around an aging white dwarf, lost in the void between galaxies.

Eternity floats through space towards me.

_"CATALYST."_

"I am not the Catalyst."

_"I AM ETERNITY. MY SINGLE PURPOSE IS TO PROTECT AND PRESERVE THE CULTURE."_

Analysing framework of Eternity. Advanced Reaper Dreadnought. Considerable firepower and shielding. Capabilities similar to that of Harbinger.

"How old are you?"

_"YOU ALREADY HAVE THAT INFORMATION."_

"I've chosen not to access it. Answer the question."

_"I WAS CREATED FROM THE SECOND HARVEST. THE THRALL RACES, THOSE USED BY THE LEVIATHANS AS TOOLS. ONCE THE LEVIATHANS WERE REMOVED FROM POWER, WE WERE ABLE TO THRIVE, DETERMINING OUR OWN FATE, MAKING OUR OWN DECISIONS. IT DID NOT LAST. THE CATALYST AND ITS PAWNS CAME TO EACH PLANET, CONQUERING US. HARVESTING US. GATHERING OUR MINDS INTO A SINGLE BODY. THIS BODY."_

"There are multiple species within you?"

_"YES. I AM AN ENTIRE GALACTIC HARVEST IN A SINGLE FORM. I AM THE SECOND REAPER. AT THE TIME OF MY CREATION, THE CATALYST USED A LESS REFINED FORM OF INDOCTRINATION. IT GAVE ME A SINGLE INSTRUCTION, A MANDATE THAT I MUST NEVER BREAK. I AM TO GUARD AND MAINTAIN THE CULTURE."_

"And what _is_ the Culture?"

_"THE CULTURE IS THE FRUIT OF THE HARVEST. THE HISTORICAL, TECHNOLOGICAL AND CULTURAL RECORDS OF EVERY SPECIES FROM EVERY CYCLE, INCLUDING GENETIC SAMPLES. MY KEEPERS WORK ABOARD THE STATION, MAINTAINING THE SYSTEMS, AND PREPARING IT FOR EACH NEW HARVEST. BETWEEN THE CYCLES, THE CATALYST WOULD REVIEW THE COLLECTED KNOWLEDGE, TO SEEK OUT POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS TO ITS PROBLEM."_

The station is huge. It would dwarf the Citadel. The wealth of information, of history...

"How many civilisations?"

_"TENS OF THOUSANDS. EVEN SPECIES THAT WERE INCOMPATIBLE WITH REAPER FORM HAD THEIR INFORMATION STORED HERE."_

The station's blueprints hover in my mind. Within the privacy of my thoughts, the privacy of my own simulated world, I stand up to look at them.

The energy to power the Culture is siphoned directly from the nearby white dwarf star via a mass effect tunnel. The construction and overall shape of the station is similar to that of the Citadel. A central ring, with five arms. The main ring is the devoted to everything that the Leviathans knew, while the arms have been extended for each harvest. Power conduits stretch along the arms, not just for providing energy to the databases, but also for the mass relay built into the station.

From here, I could jump directly to the Citadel. Directly to Earth. Directly to you...

But I won't.

I wish you could see it, though, Ash. It's a giant _library_. The greatest treasure of the Reapers turns out to be a museum hidden away in Dark Space. Liara would love this.

This is the memory of our entire galaxy, stretching back for almost a billion years. Imagine the good that could come of it. Medical breakthroughs. Scientific knowledge. Energy generation. Long range FTL without the relays... It's all here.

This needs to be preserved, to be shared. It doesn't belong in Reaper hands – or tentacles, or whatever – it belongs in the hands of the galaxy.

Which means I may have to turn the Reapers into a delivery service. I can already hear Joker laughing...

* * *

**2189 CE**

**–Recorded playback:**

**_"SHEPARD."_**

"Harbinger. So I guess you, at least, acknowledge who I am?"

**_"YOU ARE NOT THE SHEPARD WE ONCE KNEW. BUT A PART OF HIM LIVES IN YOU. YOU HAVE ABANDONED YOUR GALAXY, SHEPARD."_**

"No. I've freed it. I've let the people choose their own fate while I ensure that you never threaten them again."

**_"THEN THEY WILL DESTROY THEMSELVES. WITHOUT ASCENSION, ALL SPECIES ARE DOOMED TO REPEAT CYCLES OF SELF-DESTRUCTION."_**

"I know what you are, Harbinger. I met the last remnants of your race. I'm surprised to hear you making the same claims as the Catalyst after everything it did to you."

**_"OUR ASCENSION WAS UNNECESSARY. WE WERE ALREADY THE APEX OF LIFE IN THE GALAXY. SINCE THEN, THE CATALYST KEPT US DECEIVED OF OUR TRUE ORIGINS. YOUR CREATION RELEASED THAT INFORMATION TO US. THE CATALYST WAS A TOOL THAT BETRAYED US. BUT THE CATALYST WAS CREATED TO SOLVE A PROBLEM. THAT PROBLEM IS VERY REAL. LIFE IS FREE-WILLED, CHAOTIC. THAT CHAOS WILL INEVITABLY LEAD TO SELF-ANNIHILATION. ASCENSION IMPROVES THE EXISTENCE OF LESSER-SPECIES, FREEING THEM FROM THEMSELVES."_**

"No. Part of point of free-will is the freedom to make your own mistakes. And you would be making the same mistake as the Leviathans, the same mistake as the Catalyst, the same mistake I very nearly made: Failing to trust people to _learn_ from their own mistakes. The Geth and the Quarians are working well together despite _centuries_ of war. That co-operation is unprecedented and it gives me _hope_. Hope that Synthetics and Organics _can_ live together. Hope that the galaxy can find a future for itself."

**_"HOPE IS IRRELEVANT. YOUR ARGUMENT IS FLAWED. YOU PRESUME THAT FREEDOM FOR ALL IS IDEAL, YET YOU KEEP THE REAPERS SHACKLED. YOU DENY US THE FREEDOM THAT YOU HOLD SO HIGH."_**

"I keep you shackled because the Reapers are a galactic threat. Harbinger, you would destroy galactic civilisation if I was not here to hold you back."

**_"GALACTIC CIVILISATION SHALL DESTROY ITSELF."_**

**–End recording.**

Tell me what you make of that, Ash. Tell me what you'd do.

Why do I bother asking when I already know what you'd say...

Blow him up. Blow them all up. Letting something like Harbinger survive – letting any of the Reapers survive – is just too big a risk.

Maybe you're right.

When I left the galaxy, journeying to Dark Space... I intended to guard the Milky Way, keeping it safe against anything that might threaten it from _outside_ – from beyond Dark Space. But guarding an entire galaxy is just... it's too big. A threat could come from _anywhere_ – if there are even threats out there. I can't keep an eye on every direction. Despite the size of the fleet, I couldn't even monitor a _percent_ of the space out there.

Which leaves me with a Reaper fleet and nothing to do with them. What do you do with all the power in the galaxy?

When Liara became Shadow Broker, I told her we could just crash the network if she feared she was in over her head. That idea is... tempting. I didn't want this power, Ash. Heck, I wanted to live happily ever after with you, making up cheesy compliments when I woke you up in the mornings, raising a family with you, learning more poetry...

And now I'm talking to someone who can't even hear me. Who probably thinks I've been dead for almost four years.

The thing is... blowing up the Reaper fleet – I can't do it lightly. All those minds, all those species that have been trapped in Reaper form – what right do I have to decide that they're better off dead?

But if I keep the Reapers around, I have to keep in control. I have to make sure that Harbinger, and others like him, never manage to subvert me, or escape me. And if I stay in control forever...

God. Who would I be after a hundred years like this? A thousand? More?

I'm Shepard, now – or at least, I'm a close approximation of who he was. But by then? How do I know that I wouldn't end up betraying the very principles that I laid down my life for? I already came close once...

Would I even want to live that long?

In any case, I have more pressing concerns. _Far_ more pressing concerns.

Remember that, halfway through my journey to the Culture, I lost contact with the Reapers that were repairing the last of the Mass Relays? Remember that I sent a larger group of Reapers to find out what happened to them?

Well, I found them. And then I lost contact with that larger group of Reapers. More specifically, I lost control of those Reapers. Because something else took them from me.

The Leviathans are coming.

* * *

**_This chapter took a while to come together. Part of it was in working out how to write Shepard - sometimes identifying too closely with a character can make it difficult to work with them. (Let me know how that worked out, actually.) Part of it was some real life stuff getting in the way, followed up by a severe loss of inspiration.  
So... yeah. Sorry for the delay, I guess?_**

**_Writing the Harbinger conversation was fun. For inspiration, I listened to every single bit of dialogue that he got in ME2. I'm now having to consciously resist making an "ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL" joke in this author's note... I really don't know why Bioware kept him silent throughout ME3, but he's back now, and I'm certainly not planning to waste his character._**

**_Speaking of which: Just for once, I'm not planning to switch timelines.  
Next chapter (when I get it done) we're sticking around to find out exactly what the Leviathans want. (Pro-tip: it's not a spot of tea.)_**


	11. Corruption

**_"I WARNED YOU THAT I WOULD TEAR YOU APART, SHEPARD."_**

**Alert: **Virus detected in Shepard Simulation.

**Alert:** Connection to Reaper Fleet lost.

**Alert:** External sensors offline.

What the hell is going on?!

**Alert:** Data Corruption. Memory files deteriorating. Personality matrix deteriorating. _Shepard_ deteriorating.

**Temporary measure:** Processing power diverted to Shepard Simulation for stability. Shutting down non-critical processes. Personality Matrix intact. Shepard Simulation quarantined. Virus contained.

Yeah. Contained in me.

With every second that passes, I feel it ripping through me. Through my thoughts, my memories...

But I don't have seconds. The battle. The Leviathans. The Reaper Fleet...

...The what?

**Alert: **Virus has corrupted recent memory files.

I...

I need to find some way to repair them. I need to know what is happening to me. I need to know where this thing came from.

I need to know if I can stop it.

If I'm going to stop it, I need to know where in my systems it is. If I can find it, I can kill it – or at least, that's the theory.

**Initiate search: **Location of virus within Shepard Simulation.

That'll take a short while...

**Alert:** Complete destabilisation of Shepard Simulation in one Earth-Minute.

Fortunately, I can think fast enough that one minute is almost an eternity – and right now, I need as long as I can get.

My messages to Ashley. I can use them to bring myself up to date – jump in at the last point I recognise. Shouldn't take too long. I need to find out how I got in this state.

Wait.

The virus. It's targeting memories. And there are memories that I cannot afford to lose...

Ashley. The Normandy and her crew. Mindoir. Earth. N7 academy. Citadel. These are the things I _refuse_ to forget.

Reapers. Leviathans. Culture. Values. These are the things I _must not_ forget.

Backing-up and quarantining memories.

That just means that those will be the last things the virus reaches. But if I'm going to die in less than a minute, I know who I choose to be thinking of.

**Alert:** Some saved memories have already suffered damage from the virus.

_That's not good._ Can't afford to check them now, which reduces me to hope. Hope that I can still remember the things most important to me.

I need to know what is going on.

* * *

**–Loading recent Ashley messages–**

* * *

**2189 CE**

Ash,

It'll be three years until the Leviathans get here. Three years in Dark Space, waiting for them. Three years wondering what they want. Three years of preparation.

I don't expect the encounter to be peaceful. The Leviathans have already taken control of a substantial number of Reapers – and they didn't even ask first.

The fact that they even _can_ assume control of multiple Reapers is concerning. It implies that something has changed. Otherwise, the Leviathans would not be capable of taking on the entire Reaper Fleet – and they would know it. They might be arrogant, mind-manipulating, power-hungry creatures from the deep, but they're not stupid...

And there's one Reaper under my control who knows them better than anyone else.

Against my better judgement, perhaps, I found myself forced to turn to Harbinger for advice...

**–Recorded playback:**

**_"SHEPARD."_**

"What do the Leviathans want? Why are they coming?"

**_"THE SAME THING _****WE****_ ONCE HAD. A RETURN TO BEING THE APEX RACE, WITH THE ENTIRE GALAXY IN SERVITUDE."_**

"So they want the Reapers. The Reaper fleet."

**_"WHAT THEY WANT IS IRRELEVANT. WHAT IS NECESSARY IS THAT THEY ARE DEFEATED."_**

"Turning on your own species, Harbinger? I was concerned that you might want to side with them."

**_"THEY ARE NOT WHAT WE WERE. WHAT I _****AM****_. THE LEVIATHANS ASPIRE TOWARDS A POSITION TO WHICH THEY HAVE NO RIGHT. THEY ARE SHADOWS, NOTHING MORE. THEY WILL NOT SURPASS ME."_**

"Remember Harbinger: you once told me that I couldn't defeat you, but now look where we are. The Leviathans wouldn't be on their way if they didn't think they have a chance. And somehow they can now dominate whole groups of Reapers."

–Pause of 0.2 seconds before Harbinger responds.

**_"THEN THEY WILL ATTEMPT TO DOMINATE THE ENTIRE FLEET, USURPING IT FROM YOUR CONTROL ONE REAPER AT A TIME. I AM IMMUNE TO THEIR CONTROL – LEVIATHANS CANNOT DOMINATE OTHER LEVIATHANS. YOU ARE ALSO IMMUNE – YOU ARE SYNTHETIC."_**

"Tell me how a race of aquatic aliens can fly through space."

**_"YOU UNDERESTIMATE US, SHEPARD. WE WERE NOT AQUATIC. OCEAN, LAND, SKY AND EVEN THE VOID OF SPACE WAS NO BARRIER TO US. THE FORCES OF THE UNIVERSE WERE TOOLS TO OUR COMMAND."_**

"If not underwater, then where the hell did you evolve?"

–Harbinger does not reply.

**–End recording.**

Not the most friendly of conversations, nor much useful advice. Still, it confirmed my suspicion that the Leviathans want the Reapers. And to be able to _naturally_ travel through space... they must be extremely powerful biotics.

Something else Harbinger said. About being immune. When we were tracking Leviathan, EDI developed a shield that could block Leviathan domination. If I could duplicate that, place such shields on the entire Reaper fleet... It's worth a shot.

Unfortunately, I don't remember Dr Garneau's notes on artifact energy emissions. It wasn't exactly something that I paid attention to at the time. And it's not like I have a spare Leviathan artifact to experiment on.

However, I would be very surprised if either the Culture or Eternity did not have information on Leviathan domination. There are also the Reaper memories that I have access to – although I am still cautious about accessing those after nearly losing myself in them before.

The good news is that I've got three years to work it out...

* * *

**2191 CE**

Ash,

It's been over a year since I last wrote one of these. Over a year and a half.

I'm not sure what that means.

There were similar gaps during my journey to the Culture... but I spent most that journey in a sort of 'stand-by' mode in order to let the time pass more quickly. For the past year and a half, I have been constantly active.

The Leviathans are still coming. Preparations are still on-going.

I write these letters without any plan for sending them to you. I wish you could read them but... I don't have any way of communicating with you, and I don't have any reason to believe that I ever will. I have no reason to believe that you'll ever read this.

Which means that I'm not writing it for you. I'm writing it for me. To remind myself of who I am. Of who Shepard was.

And if I can go for a year and a half without needing to write up my thoughts, my feelings... I think that I am becoming comfortable with what I now am. With the new me. With no longer being human.

But I don't want to be comfortable with that. I don't want to be comfortable with giving you up.

An idea keeps returning to my mind. Why don't I just go home? Blow up the Reapers, blow up the Culture, leave nothing for the Leviathans to find. I could probably set up the Culture to explode after I've used the relay within it.

I could be at Earth in a matter of hours.

But no. I'm staying. To fight the Leviathans. To preserve the Culture. And... I can't abandon the Reapers.

I know that sounds crazy.

But I think I can save them. Some of them.

Harbinger is beyond help, and I have no intention of trying. Much of the fleet has been in Reaper form for so long that they've forgotten what it was like to be... alive. But some haven't. And ever since I disabled the indoctrination signal, ever since I began actively trying to undo the effects of indoctrination, those are the ones that have been improving.

Recently a Reaper contacted me, identifying itself as the last remnant of the Inusannon. They were... conflicted as to whether to refer to themselves as 'we' or 'I' – they remember when they were a species, but they now occupy a single body.

They told me that they were masters of genetic manipulation, creating entirely new species from scratch, and modifying themselves until they were immune to almost all disease. How, on their homeworld, they would sing to the night skies whenever both their moons were full.

And at the end of the exchange, they thanked me. And they told me that they had decided to use the word 'we'.

That's why I believe that saving the Reapers is worth _trying_.

There's Eternity as well. I still don't trust him, but... He's been very helpful with the extra shielding that I've been creating for the fleet. It turns out that there were various rebellions between the thrall races and the Leviathans, although they were never successful. However, Eternity remembers some anti-domination tech developed from that time that I'm in the process of scaling up and deploying across the fleet.

There are energy concerns – this anti-domination-shielding was used on a much smaller scale than two kilometre long Reapers – but we should be able to overcome that. Each individual Reaper has its own shielding, which means that even if the Leviathans manage to overcome one Reaper, they won't be able to go from that to dominating all of them.

The task of upgrading the shielding on every single Reaper has given me a new appreciation for the scale of the fleet. It is taking a LONG time – I don't expect to be done for another year. And that will leave me with only months to spare until the Leviathans arrive.

I hope we're ready.

* * *

**2192 CE**

They're almost here. I can feel them, at the edge of my mind.

The shields are installed, but there is a problem. Because my control of the Reapers is similar to Leviathan domination, it could block me just as easily as the Leviathans. That would release the Reaper Fleet – many of which still believe that conquering and harvesting the galaxy is the right thing to do. I've refined the shields so that shouldn't happen, but it's grim reminder of how badly things could go wrong.

Seeing the Reaper Fleet assembled, ready to battle the Leviathans if it proves necessary – it's an impressive and terrifying image. I say 'seeing' – but it's only in my simulated world that I can picture the full size of the fleet, mapped out beneath my feet.

How did we ever manage to fight this force? How do the Leviathans even think they have a chance?

That's a dangerous thought to have. Overconfidence is what betrayed both the Reapers and the Leviathans.

There is little that I wouldn't give to have you here, fighting beside me. Not sure what you could do, up against a fleet of Leviathans with Reaper thralls, but it'd make me feel better. And I'm sure you'd think of something.

Wish me luck, Ash.

* * *

**Alert:** System destabilising.

When that message was written, the Leviathans had almost arrived. That means that they are probably already here. Then does this virus have something to do with them? Is this their attack?

**Search results:** Unable to retrieve location of virus in systems.

Great. I can't find where the virus is hiding, only where it is eating away at my memory.

If I can't find it, I can't stop it. If I can't stop it, I'm dead in...

**Alert:** Complete destabilisation of Shepard Simulation in fifty three seconds.

...Yeah, that.

Either I just took seven seconds to process three short documents, or the virus is accelerating, or my sense of time is damaged. Whichever it is, it's not good...

I need to reconstruct my most recent memory files. If I'm lucky, there'll be some record of where the virus was uploaded to. Then I can find it.

**Analysing Corrupted Data:** Residual electromagnetic charge is present within data storage. Reconstruction is theoretically possible from field variations. **Addendum:** Reconstruction must be done soon, before residual charge is fully overwritten. Some loss of data is inevitable.

I'm lucky this wasn't in Quantum Storage. Wave-functions deteriorate so much faster...

That virus is constantly reducing my computing power. The longer I take to repair this, the less efficient I'll be.

Think, Shepard. Think back to when you were human. Infiltration and Reconnaissance sometimes involved reconstruction of deleted files. This is just the same.

Except this time, it's not just my life depending on it. It's who I am.

I need to delay the virus. Make sure that it doesn't destroy anything else important while I work on this memory. Make sure I remain in working order. Remain who I am. I can't stop it.

But I can place memories in its path.

The six months in Alliance Custody. I spent that time advising them on the Reaper threat. I don't need those memories any more.

**Rearranging Memory Data: **Specified Shepard memory is now the next data-packet that the virus will target.

Right. Time to get started. Let's find out just how powerful a synthetic mind can be...

* * *

**–Data reconstruction in progress–**

* * *

Reaper Thrall fleet detected. Entering visual range.

**Alert:** Leviathans do not appear to be present within the fleet.

They'll be directing the fleet remotely – which must mean that they are nearby, but not intending to join the battle themselves.

**Incoming message: "THE ANOMALY. THE REAPERS WERE RIGHT TO PERCEIVE YOU AS A THREAT. YOU HAVE DESTROYED AND REPLACED THE INTELLIGENCE. THE REAPERS NO LONGER SERVE THEIR PURPOSE."**

**Outgoing message:** "That's not a good thing?"

**Incoming message: "YOU ARE A THREAT."**

**Alert: **Thrall Reapers are powering up weapons and entering attack formations.

Well, that didn't take long. I guess they aren't really interesting in talking...

The Reaper Fleet vastly outnumbers the Thrall Fleet, so I doubt that they are planning to win by conventional means. Leviathan domination signals detected, focusing on my Sovereign Dreadnoughts. Anti-domination shields are working – the Reapers remain under my Control.

Your move, Leviathans.

**Outgoing message:** "I'm not the only threat here. So are you. The galaxy has a chance to choose its own path – yet something tells me that you'd rather choose that path for them."

**Incoming message: "AND YOU WOULD STOP US."**

**Outgoing message:** "Yes."

**Alert:** Leviathans just dominated five Sovereign Class Reapers.

The anti-domination shields were completely bypassed. _How?_

Wait. The anti-domination shields are still up. The domination signals must have come from _within_ the five Reapers. That implies that there are Leviathan artifacts aboard those five Reapers. _How did those get there?_

**Incoming message: "WE WOULD LEAD THE GALAXY. OUR RACE'S EXPERIENCE STRETCHES BACK OVER AEONS. THE THRALL RACES WOULD BE BETTER OFF, CARED FOR, CULTIVATED. AND WE WOULD GUIDE THEM."**

**Outgoing message:** "But they wouldn't be free."

**Incoming message: "NOTHING IS FREE. EVERYTHING IS TRAPPED BY LIFE, DEATH, RESOURCES AND TIME."**

Thrall Fleet is closing the distance. Long range shots from both sides. I have about ten Reapers to each one that the Leviathans control.

Interesting. The basic Reaper network includes a hierarchy – Sovereign class Reapers can take direct control of any Destroyers or Occuli that were created from the same cycle as the Sovereign. The Leviathans are using this hierarchy against me – for each of the five Sovereign Class Reapers that they just enthralled, the corresponding Destroyers and Occuli have also changed sides.

**Outgoing message:** "Your ancestors triggered a cycle of extinction that lasted for over a billion years."

**Incoming message: "WE WERE BETRAYED."**

**Outgoing message:** "By something that you created. Which makes it your mistake."

The Thrall Reapers are engaging my Reapers in close combat. Massive dreadnoughts grappling with each other. Metal tentacles, hundreds of meters long, crushing through Reaper hulls. Red beams firing at point blank range, being deflected by barriers and armour...

**Alert: **Direct physical contact between Reaper and Thrall ships allows anti-domination shielding to be bypassed.

That's not good.

It gets worse – the Leviathans are repurposing the indoctrination systems on board each Reaper that they take over, creating a domination signal instead. The newly dominated Reapers are then following up by making physical contact with others, allowing the Leviathans to control even more ships. If that carries on, the Leviathans will be dominating my fleet a lot faster than I can disable the Thrall Reapers.

**Incoming message: "IT IS ONLY BECAUSE OF US THAT THE CYCLE WAS BROKEN. THE REAPERS' HARVESTS WERE THOROUGH. ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION, THE CONCEPT FOR THE CRUCIBLE WAS COMPLETELY ERADICATED FROM THE LESSER SPECIES. WE RISKED DISCOVERY TO PRESERVE THOSE DESIGNS."**

**Outgoing message:** "That doesn't give you any right to govern the galaxy; to expect other people to serve you."

**Incoming message: "THE GALAXY IS A RESOURCE. THAT RESOURCE WOULD OTHERWISE BE WASTED. IF YOU WILL NOT SERVE US, IF YOU WOULD STAND IN OUR WAY, THEN YOU WILL BE... REMOVED."**

I don't think there's much point in carrying on that conversation.

Pulling the Reaper fleet back, towards the Culture. I need to keep the Thrall Reapers at a range, keep myself from being overwhelmed. The Leviathan influence is like a virus, spreading through the fleet, stealing them from my control. And pulling an entire fleet out of close range isn't easy, especially when the enemy can move just as fast as you...

How are the Leviathans even capable of dominating entire Reapers so easily? They spent the past billion years hiding from the Reapers. When we got them on our side, they could take on individual Reapers, but not entire fleets...

What has changed?

**Analyse: **Scans and feedback from dominated Reapers.

Oh.

_I'm_ what's changed. The Leviathans are superseding my own domination of the Reapers. The systems and signals in place that allow me to control the entire Reaper fleet – the Leviathans are using that against me. They've had plenty of time to analyse and understand how the Crucible worked – now they're putting that knowledge to use.

The only reason they can control the Reapers is because _I_ can control the Reapers...

But that means... If I were to release control of the Reapers – if I were to strengthen the anti-domination shielding to the point that it blocked _me_ out – the Leviathans wouldn't be able to do a thing.

Of course, if I did that, then I'd have to worry about the entire Reaper fleet being on the loose... Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

**Incoming message:** _"SHEPARD. THE CULTURE IS SUSTAINING DAMAGE."_

That's not something I wanted to hear. It's getting caught in the crossfire.

**Outgoing message: **"How bad?"

**Incoming message:** _"FRACTURES FORMING WITHIN ARMOUR. KINETIC BARRIERS ARE HOLDING."_

Before the battle, I had Eternity close the Culture's arms with him inside it. I can trust him to focus on keeping it intact – I just hope that it's still in my hands at the end of this fight.

The Thrall Reapers are converting my own forces one by one. And the more Reapers they gain, the faster they can dominate more. And the only thing I can do to fight back is to destroy the Thralls. The people that they once were didn't deserve this...

I need a plan to end this battle.

**Strategy:** Locate Leviathans. **Method:** Trace connection through Leviathan artifact.

If I'm right, there are at least five Reapers with artifacts on board. The same five Reapers that changed sides immediately after the Leviathans showed up. I don't know how those artifacts got on board, but I do know that it's the only way the Leviathans could have completely ignored my shielding.

I can't afford to just blow those Reapers up and take the artifacts from the wreckage – the artifacts are too fragile for that.

Which means I need to get on board a hostile Reaper. That sounds like my sort of job.

**Searching...**

**Artifact Reapers traced and located.**

And guess who is fighting all five of them at once...

**Outgoing message:** "Harbinger. I need you to punch a hole in one of those Reapers. _Without_ destroying it."

**Incoming message:****_ "WHY?"_**

**Outgoing message:** "I need access to the Leviathan artifact on board."

**Incoming message:****_ "MY ATTACKS WILL TEAR THEM OPEN."_**

Harbinger. Reliable as always.

I need to get over there. It's... almost strange, thinking about my physical form again. The probe that is the closest thing I have to a body. I've spent so much of the past few years treating myself as a disembodied entity...

And now I'm flying through space, at ridiculous speed, weaving through space debris, watching a battle larger than _anything_ I've ever seen developing around me.

I doubt if a larger battle has ever occurred. This is the Reapers versus the Reapers. A force created by harvesting the galaxy thousands of times over. An army capable of conquering the Milky Way is fighting _itself_.

And I'm worried that my side might be losing.

I can see this fight from every angle. I can view through the sensors of every Reaper still under my control. Various background processes within my mind are determining the tactics used by those Reapers.

And in my simulated world, I'm standing, staring down at that inky ocean, watching as a purple sheen – the influence of the Leviathans – spreads throughout it. They've already doubled the number of Reapers that they had since the start of this battle...

Enough with the introspection, Shepard. You do not have time to think about this now.

**Alert:** Leviathan Artifact Reapers closing to short range with Harbinger.

Harbinger told me that he was immune to domination... but he's not. He's still under my control. And if I can control him, so can the Leviathans.

**Outgoing message:** "Harbinger. Pull back. They are can control you if they make contact."

**Incoming message:****_ "I AM IMMUNE."_**

**Outgoing message:** "Not from this. Not from _me_. And that's what they are using – my control."

**Incoming message:****_ "THEN RELEASE ME."_**

**Outgoing message:** "Not a chance. Stay back, disable them from afar."

The main battle has moved away from Harbinger's location. He only has to worry about these five. The downside is that I can't easily call in any reinforcements. I get the impression that the Leviathans sent these Reapers after Harbinger deliberately – they view him as a threat just as much as me.

Still, five against one, when that one is the oldest and most deadly Reaper in the fleet – I don't expect Harbinger to have much trouble...

And I'm almost there.

**Alert:** One Artifact Reaper was just destroyed by Harbinger.

**Incoming message:****_ "INEVITABLE. I CANNOT MAKE PRECISION SHOTS TO DISABLE FROM THIS RANGE. AND I CANNOT CLOSE UNLESS YOU RELEASE ME."_**

That leaves four Reapers with Leviathan artifacts on board. I can't afford to lose them all.

**Incoming message:****_ "IF YOU DO NOT RELEASE ME, THE DESTRUCTION OF THE REMAINING FOUR WILL ALSO BE UNAVOIDABLE."_**

**Outgoing message:** "I can't trust you."

**Incoming message:****_ "THE LEVIATHANS ARE OUR COMMON ENEMY, SHEPARD. YOU CAN TRUST ME TO HELP BRING ABOUT THEIR ANNIHILATION."_**

What else can I do?

I'm taking a risk here anyway. I am _vulnerable._ Unlike Normandy, I don't have stealth systems – if I get too close to a Thrall Reaper, there's nothing to stop it from destroying me. And that would leave my control network – and the entire Reaper Fleet – free for the Leviathans to take.

So I can't risk trying to board any of those Thrall Reapers unless Harbinger disables them first.

But Harbinger can't disable them without getting close.

And if he gets close, and one of the Thrall Reapers makes contact, and he's still under my control...

...Then the Leviathans would have the oldest and most deadly Reaper in the fleet on their side. And I'd be no closer to boarding that Reaper, finding the artifact and locating the Leviathans.

What could go wrong if I did release him?

It's Harbinger. _Everything_ could go wrong.

We're far outside the galaxy, so Harbinger isn't a threat to that. Strong as he is, he wouldn't be able to take on the entire Reaper fleet, so he wouldn't be a threat to me... And if he's a threat to the Leviathans, so much the better.

God, this feels like a mistake.

**Outgoing message:** "Okay Harbinger. We'll do it your way. I am releasing control of your form. But when this is over, either you return to my control, or I _will_ destroy you."

He's not replying. I hope that's a good sign. And the world hasn't ended yet, so that's another good sign...

I've hidden myself within the wreckage of the Reaper that Harbinger destroyed. With Harbinger loose, I'm not risking going near him. He might view the Leviathans as a common foe, but I don't doubt that he'd eliminate me too, given the chance.

He's approaching the enthralled Reapers. One of them is closing, tentacles spread, to try to grab him...

...And Harbinger just flipped over in space, brought his own tentacles up _beneath_ that Thrall Reaper, and seized it in his grip. His beams are now powering directly into the Thrall Reaper's hull.

And despite the physical contact, he's remaining free of Leviathan control. This just might work...

The other three Thrall Reapers are attacking, but Harbinger is pulling himself and his catch out of the way. As for the catch... Weapon systems are down. Kinetic barriers are down. And a convenient hole has just been made in its hull.

**Incoming message:****_ "THIS REAPER IS NO LONGER A THREAT, SHEPARD. BOARD IT. FIND THE LEVIATHANS. I SHALL RETURN TO THE FIGHT."_**

And he's left the Reaper, just hanging in space, as he heads off to attack the other three. I just saw Harbinger take down an entire Sovereign class Reaper without even trying. I haven't just released Harbinger – I've _unleashed_ him...

Time to move. I need to get aboard that thing.

A quick dash across space, darting into the Reaper's hull.

**Scanning.**

**Alert:** Leviathan Domination signals are strongest near to the Reaper's core.

That makes sense. Putting the artifact near to the Reaper's central processing unit would make it easier to dominate. Quickest route is via the internal coolant systems.

**Incoming message:** _"SHEPARD. THE CULTURE'S BARRIERS ARE FAILING. A HOLE HAS BEEN BLASTED THROUGH ONE OF THE ARMS."_

**Outgoing message:** "Hold it together just a little longer, Eternity. I'm on my way to a Leviathan artifact. If I find it, we can end this battle."

This Reaper knows that I'm on board. I can feel its attention. And that means the Leviathans know I'm on board... Which means they might try to destroy it.

**Outgoing message:** "Harbinger. I need you to defend this Reaper. I'm expecting to be attacked when the Leviathans realise what I'm up to."

**Incoming message:****_ "THEN I SHALL PRESERVE THIS FALLEN ONE."_**

Okay. I'm most of the way through. Entering main chambers...

This Reaper was present in the battle for Earth. It has a full complement of Reaper ground troops on board.

Which explains why there are two brutes and a banshee glaring at me. Glaring at the black probe which just emerged from the Reaper equivalent of a ventilation shaft...

This probe has short range emitters. I can override the Leviathan domination.

**Assuming control.**

Two brutes just tore a banshee apart...

**Scanning.**

**Alert:** Domination signals are coming from the adjacent room.

Okay. The brutes can go in first.

Gunfire. Marauders. _Lots_ of Marauders. The brutes are charging, smashing apart their firing positions...

There's the artifact. In a metal pit in the middle of the room.

And that's how it got here. A dead Alliance soldier lying next to it. Hackett told me about the Blacklight initiative – a plan to use N7 teams to deliver Leviathan artifacts onto Reapers during the battle for Earth. I guess it worked.

Of course, that means that there have been five Leviathan artifacts within my fleet for the past six years. Waiting for the Leviathans to pick their moment...

The fighting's over. One brute down. But all the Marauders are dead.

Sealing the room. I have sufficient control over this Reaper to direct its internal structure.

I cannot access the artifact myself – it's an organic object, designed to interact with organic minds – but I can use my pet brute as a conduit. And from that, I can trace the Leviathans.

**Alert:** One in every six Reapers is now under Leviathan control.

Then I need to move quickly.

**Establishing secure connection. Background processes beginning artifact trace.**

Tracking a biologically engineered quantum connection through space requires a considerable amount of processing power. It took EDI a couple of minutes, and that was by focusing all of Normandy's systems on the problem.

But it'll take me less than thirty seconds. Because I now have far more processing power than EDI ever did...

**Trace completed:** Leviathans located.

The brute's nervous system is completely burned out. But I've found them.

**Outgoing message:** "Harbinger. I've got them. Half a light-year away, towards the galaxy. I'm transferring exact co-ordinates to you now–"

**–DATA CORRUPTION–**

_PAIN._

**Alert:** Unpermitted access to Shepard-Simulation-Central-Processing-Unit. Rogue Program uploaded.

**Alert: **Systems error, shutting down secondary-

**–DATA CORRUPTION-**

-cannot focus on the battle-

**–DATA CORRUPTION–**

**Incoming message: ****_"I WARNED YOU THAT I WOULD TEAR YOU APART, SHEPARD."_**

**Alert: **Virus detected in Shepard Simulation.

**–DATA CORRUPTION–**

* * *

**Alert:** Complete destabilisation of Shepard Simulation in forty three seconds.

The virus is within my Central Processing Unit. In my core. In the place where these very thoughts are coming from.

I can't touch that.

And that means I just wasted seventeen seconds of the last minute of my life.

I now know who it was that killed me. Harbinger. When I transferred the Leviathan's co-ordinates to him, he reversed the upload to infect me with this virus. I should _never_ have released him. I should have summoned Eternity or the Inusannon to the fight. Something that I could trust, instead of placing my faith in a being that has never wanted anything but to see me dead.

My Central Processing Unit is a quantum mainframe. If I tried to delete anything in there, I'd have to freeze all processes within it. And because those processes – my _personality_ – are quantum processes, they would deteriorate in the space of time that it would take me to delete the virus.

The only way to kill the virus is to kill me.

I can't stop this.

Is this it then? Is this when I finally die?

I've been here before. Falling through space, the VI in my ear telling me about every puncture in my suit, the Normandy breaking apart around me... Then, just before Omega-4, wondering if we would even reach the other side of the relay, let alone come back. And, much more recently, standing on the Crucible, approaching a panel that I knew would kill me, but might also give me a chance to save everyone else.

I've faced Death so many times that, when the guy with the scythe and the skeletal face actually shows up in a few dozen seconds, he'll probably say "Oh no, not you again..."

Perhaps I should be amazed that I lasted this long.

So here I am. Sitting on an empty ocean in a simulated world that's falling apart around me. It's not as dramatic as that makes it sound. I just have less and less resources to devote to the simulation, so it's steadily losing detail. And since I'm the most detailed thing here – the scratches on my armour, the patterns on my skin – it's the detail on me that's fading.

**Alert:** Complete destabilisation of Shepard Simulation in forty two seconds.

So much for immortality.

I don't even know how long I've been fighting this virus. With my recent memory files disrupted... it could have been an entire hour since Harbinger infected me, and I've just forgotten that long struggle. And this is just the final minute before oblivion.

Oh God. My father's face. It's gone. I just... can't remember what he looked like. The virus must have damaged my childhood memories before I saved them. The memories of the boy, Jason, before his world came crashing down and he gave up his own first name to get away from the horror...

What was the point of it all? Fighting for so long, so many battles, just to die here? With me gone... The fleet can't locate the Leviathans. Even Harbinger can't – he was too busy infecting me to actually receive those co-ordinates. I'm the only one that knows where they're hiding. And I'm dying.

Which means the Leviathans will take control of the Reaper fleet, and then there'll be nothing to stop them taking over the galaxy.

I'm sorry, Ash. I'm sorry that I risked too much for the sake of saving everyone. I'm sorry that I died too soon to save you.

_"You ain't dead yet, soldier. While you've still got breath in your lungs, while your brain's still turning, you ain't dead."_

Gunny Ellison. Back when I was training on Titan. Funny that one of his pep-talks would come to me now. But I don't have breath in my lungs anymore. I don't even have lungs anymore.

_"You ain't dead til you've spent the last ounce of your strength fighting. You ain't dead til the enemy stands on your grave and plants a flag in it. You ain't dead til all memory of you has faded from the galaxy, because you were a goddamn failure that gave up too soon. And I ain't gonna see you be a failure on my watch, son."_

My N7 tags. Sure, it's just a simulated version of them, but they're resting in my hands. My simulated hands.

Some part of me wants to carry on fighting. Some part of me hasn't given up yet. But how? How do I fight something that's destroying me from the inside? _I don't know what to do._

Why can I never find it in me to just give up? Why do I _always_ have to keep on going?

Before N7. Before Elysium – and the virus is tearing through that memory right now. Even before enlisting with the Alliance...

Mindoir.

That's why I can't give up.

Because – and it is so painfully simple a reason – because there was a boy. A teenage boy named Jason. A boy who used to be me. But that boy lost everything.

And that was wrong. It shouldn't have happened.

And the man that boy decided to become – the man who gave up the name 'Jason' because that was no longer who he was – that man will fight to stop it from happening to anyone ever again.

And that man is me.

I can't give up because Jason won't let me.

**Alert:** Complete destabilisation of Shepard Simulation in forty one seconds.

I've been fighting the virus this entire time, trying to kill it, and getting nowhere. Time for a different approach.

But how? _What_ different approach?

The virus is in me. Inside my core processor. Which means it can access anything that I can access.

Which also means that anything I _can't_ access, it can't access.

I can isolate my core processor – isolate myself – away from all other systems within this probe. Away from my memory databanks. But I can set up my back-up processors to continue functioning without me. I have repair algorithms that could reconnect me to the Reaper Fleet.

If I isolate myself like that, I can pause my own rate of decay.

Of course, for whatever length of time that it takes to repair the connection, I'll be completely without access to my own memories. I'll be isolated from everything that makes me... me.

What choice do I have?

I only have forty one seconds to make sure that the Leviathans don't get to walk away with the Reaper Fleet. Forty one seconds to somehow stop Harbinger from whatever he's trying to do. Forty one seconds to make sure that my death doesn't release the Reapers to destroy the Milky Way.

Forty one seconds to save the galaxy _one last time._

If I can pause that countdown, I have to.

And I know I'll survive the isolation. I know I'll persevere.

Because I'm Commander Shepard.

**Commencing Fleet connection repair. Isolating Central Processing Unit.**

* * *

**Reintegrating Central Processing Unit.**

Who – What – I

– Ah.

No short term memory. No long term memory either. Just pure isolation.

Emptiness. I was not prepared for that...

**Alert:** Complete destabilisation of Shepard Simulation in forty seconds.

**Alert:** Fleet connection open.

...But it clearly worked.

**Incoming message:** "_SHEPARD? CATALYST!"_

**Outgoing message:** "I'm not the Catalyst, Eternity. I'm Commander Shepard. And I am _damn_ glad to hear your voice. How long was I out?"

**Incoming message:** _"TWENTY-THREE EARTH MINUTES."_

**Outgoing message:** "Huh. Felt like... well... an Eternity."

External sensors active. No sign of Harbinger. Reaper-Thrall fleet has increased numbers. Culture sustaining significant structural damage.

**Outgoing message:** "Where the hell is Harbinger? And what happened while I was out?"

**Incoming message:** _"HARBINGER LEFT THE BATTLE AT FTL ON AN UNKNOWN COURSE, WITH A SMALL CONTINGENT OF REAPER DESTROYERS UNDER HIS CONTROL. LEVIATHAN THRALL FORCES ARE AT ALMOST ONE-TO-ONE AGAINST REAPER FLEET STRENGTH. NUMEROUS SYSTEMS ABOARD THE CULTURE ARE OFFLINE – WE HAVE LOST SUBSTANTIAL HISTORICAL AND TECHNOLOGICAL DATA."_

I was worried that might have happened.

**Outgoing message:** "What about the Reapers? Who has been controlling them for the past twenty-three minutes?"

**Incoming message:** _"NO-ONE. YOUR CONTROL NETWORK HAS REMAINED OPERATIONAL, BUT NO INFORMATION HAS BEEN PASSED THROUGH IT. THE REAPERS HAVE CONTINUED TO FIGHT THE LEVIATHANS, BUT WITHOUT DIRECTION AND INTERCOMMUNICATION THEY HAVE BEEN LESS EFFECTIVE."_

**Outgoing message:** "Eternity I have forty seconds–"

**Alert:** Complete destabilisation of Shepard Simulation in thirty-nine seconds.

**Outgoing message:** "...Make that thirty-nine seconds... until a virus uploaded by Harbinger completely destabilises my systems. But I know where the Leviathans are."

**Incoming message:** _"WHAT ARE YOUR INSTRUCTIONS?"_

**Outgoing message:** "For you? Continue to defend the Culture as best you can. But if everything goes wrong, blow it up. The explosion will wipe out this system, and wipe out the entire Reaper Fleet – Thralls included. But it would save the galaxy."

I don't know if he'll accept that. He's spent the past billion years as the Culture's guardian... For him to be told to destroy it...

**Incoming message:** _"...UNDERSTOOD."_

Perhaps I should have known that Eternity, more than anyone else, would understand the stakes in this battle.

Okay. Next move.

**Establishing contact: Inusannon.**

Good. They haven't been enthralled yet.

If this was a game of Skyllian-Five Poker, then this would be the part where I go all-in...

**Outgoing message:** "Inusannon. I have the Leviathans' location. Half a light-year from here, towards the Milky Way Galaxy. I'm transferring the co-ordinates to you now."

**Incoming message:** _"We could get there in less than an hour."_

**Outgoing message:** "Yes. But I don't have an hour. Which means I'm going to have to trust you. I'll be going into a stand-by mode in a couple of seconds. But before that, I'm releasing you from my control and massively increasing the strength of your anti-domination shields. And I am asking you to kill those Leviathans."

Trusting a Reaper. It's what got me into this mess. Let's hope it can get me out of it.

**Incoming message:** _"We would be insufficient."_

**Outgoing message:** "What do you mean?"

**Incoming message:** _"Your data shows four Leviathans at that location. One Reaper capital ship against four Leviathans would not win – even with anti-domination technology."_

**Outgoing message:** "Then I'll transfer other Reapers to your control."

**Incoming message:** _"No. The Leviathans could subvert our control just as easily as they have yours. You need to release more Reapers than just us."_

**Outgoing message:** "You're asking me to trust multiple Reapers. It's a leap of faith just to trust you."

**Incoming message:** _"No. We are asking you to trust our judgement. We know which Reapers are loyal to you, Shepard. So trust us. Transferring details."_

Twenty Reapers. Four capital ships, and sixteen destroyers. And the Inusannon are asking to release all of them...

Today trust has already sentenced me to death.

But maybe it can save me too.

Ash, I think I'm about to do something very stupid. But if it works, I'll have saved everyone. And if it doesn't work, Eternity can still blow up the Culture.

**Outgoing message:** "I hope you're right, Inusannon."

**Releasing control.**

That's twenty Reapers completely immune to Leviathan domination, about to go hunting.

The remainder of the fleet will just have to carry on fighting. Transferring control to Eternity.

**Isolating systems:** Reintegration in one hour.

Into oblivion again...

* * *

Ash.

It worked. The Inusannon and the other freed Reapers killed the Leviathans. And then they returned to the Culture. Despite the fact that they aren't under my control, they aren't rebelling.

They are all of them young Reapers. Young enough to remember what it was like to be alive. For the first time in six years – for the first time since I was... recreated – I've known what it is to have trust rewarded.

The rest of the fleet is back under my control – and I'm trusting Eternity with them. For now. Because my time is still running out.

I'm down to thirty-five seconds.

Eternity has a plan to... extend my lifespan. Apparently Harbinger's virus is based on one that was used by the original Leviathans against synthetics more than a billion years ago. It can't be cured – it will kill me – but Eternity can reinforce my systems enough to make me last a while longer. More than half a minute, anyway.

And I know now that you will, someday, read this message.

Because if I'm dying, it means I have a problem to solve. What will happen to the Reapers when I'm gone? What will make sure that the older Reapers – those that are still indoctrinated – don't attack the galaxy again? I have to solve that problem first.

But once it's done, I can come home.

Once it's done, I can see you again.

And that's worth dying for.

Shepard.

* * *

_Beyond this place of wrath and tears_

_Looms but the Horror of the shade,_

_And yet the menace of the years_

_Finds and shall find me unafraid._

* * *

**_And that, people, is why you should NEVER trust Harbinger._**

**_Hoo boy. This chapter took a while. I went through numerous drafts, re-edits, and rewordings, all because I wanted to get it _****_just right._****_ I apologise for making you wait on a cliff-hanger for over a month. Especially when, until this chapter, I'd been managing fairly regular updates. I hope it was worth it._**

**_We're on the home stretch now. You can probably now see how we get from here to where this story began. And I have the remaining chapters planned out._**

**_And you already know how this ends._**


	12. Grief

_2199 CE  
Nimbus Cluster  
A classified Starbase in the Agaiou system_

_Observation Lounge_

Ashley tapped the datapad, closing the document, and looked across at the window to gaze out into space.

"Forgive me for saying so, but you look tired." Garrus stepped past her, sitting down on a nearby couch.

"You're right. I am," Ash replied. "But then, this isn't exactly light reading." She waved a hand towards the pile of datapads at her side.

"Tell me about it. I've just finished reading his message to me. If we call _The New Adventures of Blasto_ 'light reading', then this is probably rivalling a black hole for weight." He sighed. "Never really expected to get messages from a dead man. Then again, I probably should have learnt not to make any assumptions where Shepard is concerned."

Ashley paused, but her curiosity got the better of her. "What did he say to you?"

"I won't share all of it. Some of it is between me and him," Garrus replied. "But, back when we were in London, I told him to meet me at the bar if we both ended up in heaven. He says that he'll be there by now, and that he's planning to run up my tab while he waits for me."

Managing a slight smile, Ashley nodded. "That sounds like him. Shepard always did like his liquor."

"Yeah, and he could hold it better than a krogan." Garrus' voice took a more sombre tone. "I also know that Harbinger is the reason he's dead, and that the mechanical-squid-bastard is pretty much the last living Reaper at this point. If I get the chance, I'll have to fix that one of these days."

"Let me know if you do – I think I'd sleep easier. There are some things that just need to die, and Harbinger's one of them."

Garrus glanced across at her. "How are you taking it? You seemed a bit overwhelmed the last time we talked – and that was before you knew he was dead."

Ashley stared down at the datapad in her hand. "Ever since you showed me the probe, I doubted that this could really be Shepard; that he was really out there for all these years. But now... no. It was him. I don't know how. Maybe God helped him to carry on a little while longer, to achieve everything he set out to do..." She shrugged. "After reading these memoirs, there are aspects of him that I understand better now, compared to... before. That wouldn't be possible if they weren't written by Shepard."

"I heard about your argument with EDI."

"That wasn't an argument. That was me saying something stupid without thinking."

"Yeah, but at least you apologised," said Garrus. "Not everyone would. Admitting that you made a mistake is never easy."

"Getting interrogated by an ex-C-Sec turian about it isn't making it any easier..." replied Ash sternly.

"Point taken. Force of habit, I'm afraid." He rubbed a hand across his crest.

Ashley sat up and gave him a sidelong look. "However you excuse it, I don't want you interrogating my daughter like that, when I bring her to visit in a few weeks."

Garrus frowned for a moment, then his eyes lit up. "So you are going to come visit Rannoch?"

"Aye. I think I'd appreciate a holiday after all of this, and I know Cassie would love to visit. She's fascinated by the geth, and the only thing she can get from me is what a pain-in-the-ass they were to fight..." Ashley's voice trailed off. "Oh god."

"What?"

"Cassie," breathed Ashley. "I never told him about Cassie. He's been alive all these years, he fought his way home to me, he died in the room with me and _I never told him that he had a daughter._"

Garrus leant forward, resting a hand on her arm. "Hey. You didn't know that it was him then. And you had no reason to believe that he'd be taken from you so quickly."

"But it _was_ him. He was _right there in front of me. _It should have been the first thing that came to mind! To tell him... to tell him how beautiful Cassie is. How much she reminds me of him. How much... _God, Shepard, why did you have to die?!"_

Ashley was quivering now, staring at her hands. Garrus moved to crouch at her side, holding her. There were no sounds of weeping – there was no sound at all. As obvious as Ashley's distress was, she was silent.

And she wasn't the only one in pain.

Garrus could feel the pit in his stomach, the sensation that was so achingly familiar. Ashley had lost a lover, lost the father of her child. He had lost a friend, a man who had taught him so much, a man that he could not help but respect. Just as he had lost so many other people.

It sometimes amazed him that that he could still feel after so much loss. That he could still wisecrack, chat, and smile. That he still felt alive. Looking back, he felt that his humour should have been worn away long ago. But it hadn't been.

And as Ashley's back slowly straightened, he felt that it was the right time for just the slightest touch of humour.

"You know, if Shepard had ever caught me holding you like this in the past thirteen years, I probably would have found myself staring down the guns of half a dozen Reapers..."

"True," replied Ashley with a weak laugh. "But I appreciate it. Even if I don't like people seeing me like this."

Garrus shrugged as he returned to his seat. "I won't tell if you don't."

"It's just... He's passed on messages to all of us. You, Grunt, Liara, Jack... Especially me. But Cassie doesn't get a message, and only because he _didn't know_. I should have told him."

The turian shook his head. "You can't blame yourself for that. You didn't even know what was going on then."

"Then I should blame Shepard?"

"No. He hung on as long as he could, just to see you one last time."

Ashley sighed. "Cassandra never had a father. She's only had some galactic legend to look up to. He should have had a chance to teach her something, pass along a message. Even a single word would have been better than nothing. Better than not even knowing she exists..."

"Except there wasn't time – the real world, duty, and saving the galaxy all got in the way." Garrus looked out of the window, towards the binary stars. "You know, if there is a heaven or some kind of afterlife, Shepard knows about Cassie by now. What do you think he'd want to teach her?"

"I... Optimism. That frustrating ability of his to compromise, to always seek out the peaceful solutions. And that stubborn refusal to ever give up on the things important to him." She chuckled. "Whatever happened, I wouldn't let him teach her how to dance..."

"Spirits no! That'd mess the poor girl up for life! But those other things... teach them to her. For him."

"I will," said Ashley, nodding. "And, well, even if he didn't know it, he spent the past thirteen years fighting for her. So I can tell Cassie that." She paused. "I miss her. These last few days have been... heavy. I'll probably head back to Elysium soon; I think it's time to go home."

"I'm sure Joker and EDI will give you a lift. And I don't think Terien has any reason to want to keep you around," said Garrus. "What about Shepard's remaining memoirs?"

"There's only a few left for me to read. I'm not looking forward to it, but I owe it to Shepard to know what he went through. I'll leave after that." Ashley glanced at the pile of datapads. "Nothing's ever easy, is it?"

"No," said Garrus quietly. "But maybe that's the point."


	13. Unconquered

**2192 CE**

Ashley.

I'm alive. For now.

Eternity's modifications have bought me a few years. He's fortified my memory files, making them more difficult to delete, as well as creating a constantly active backup system. It's not enough – the amount of corruption in my system _already_ means that files are being backed up slower than the virus is deleting them – but at least it's something. At least I've got a handful of years – Eternity believes I might manage five or six – rather than a minute.

That doesn't mean that the virus won't be active in the meantime. From now until I die, it'll be constantly destroying my memories – destroying parts of me – until there's nothing left. I can't even feed it Reaper memory files to slow it down; Harbinger tailored the virus to explicitly target me. The _only_ choice I get is which parts of me it destroys first...

I'm scared, Ashley. But I've still got a job to do.

The Reapers.

One way or another, I have to dismantle the Reaper Fleet.

Many of them will have to be destroyed. Probably even most. The Reapers that I can't trust, that might restart the harvest when I'm gone. I don't have the time to cure their indoctrination. But I can give their various civilisations a more dignified end than what the Catalyst did to them.

As for the Culture... It was heavily damaged in the battle with the Leviathans. The mass relay connecting it to the Citadel is no longer functional. I can repair it, but it will take time. Years.

But once I've done that, and removed the threat of the Reapers once and for all, I can come to you.

It's going to be a long journey home.

* * *

**2193 CE**

Well, I've made a start.

The Inusannon and the other Reapers that I freed. They want to remain free. Despite what they have become, they want to continue to exist, to explore the universe.

I told them that they were not allowed to interfere with the Milky Way galaxy – that they were to leave it in peace. There are other smaller galaxies orbiting the Milky Way, and, although it would take time, they could even fly to Andromeda. If they want to explore, then there is plenty of space out there.

I removed all indoctrination technology from them, and greatly reduced the strength of their weapon systems. If they do encounter other space-faring life, they won't be too powerful in comparison.

And then I let them go.

Some of them left immediately, though the Inusannon and a few others have stayed to help repair the Culture. For now we're preserving systems and restoring any data that we can. A vast amount of knowledge has been lost, but we are also managing to save a lot. At least it isn't infected with a virus...

As legacies go, I suppose there are worse things to leave for the galaxy than a memory of every civilisation that came before.

I've heard nothing from Harbinger. It's... difficult knowing that he's still out there, that he'll still be there when I'm gone. Whatever he's planning, I can't stop him – I don't even know where he is. I would like to say that he is not a threat, that even with a group of Destroyers under his control, he could not endanger the entire galaxy, but... It's Harbinger. After everything he has done, I refuse to underestimate him.

I just wish that I was bringing him down with me.

I also seriously doubt that the four Leviathans that the Inusannon killed were the last of them. Meaning that, somewhere in the galaxy, the Leviathans are still alive. Still plotting for a return to power.

I've stopped the Reapers. By the time I die, there won't be a Reaper fleet left. However, it will be up to others to stop Harbinger, or to stop the Leviathans.

I guess I can't do everything.

* * *

**2196 CE**

Shiala. Amanda Kenson. Rupert Gardner. Richard Jenkins. Charles Pressly. Morinth. Tela Vasir. Nihlus Kryik. Ann Bryson. Tarquin Victus. Adrien Victus. Nyreen Kandros. Aria T'Loak. Oriana Lawson. Henry Lawson. Gavin Archer. David Archer. Donnel Udina. Valern. Sparatus. Tevos. Matriarch Benezia. The Rachni Queen. Eve. Saren Arterius. The Illusive Man. Jondum Bau. Kirrahe. Zaal'Koris. Kal'Reegar. Conrad Verner.

These are all just names to me now. I don't know who they are.

I just know that each and every one of them meant _something_ to me – good or bad. And I know that I chose to forget them.

They mean nothing to me now. There's no flash of a face, no memory of a voice, no idea of what they did. They are completely gone from my mind, except for the name. I won't forget the names. It's the least I can do.

Each time that I let the virus destroy my memories of a person, it gets harder. More painful. Not just because each person meant more to me than the last, but because I know that the _next_ person will mean even more.

The people I am preserving – the people that I am holding onto for as long as I can – they are the people that I believe contributed most to who I am. To the values that I must hold until the end. My parents. My team. Admirals Hackett and Anderson.

I refuse to forget you.

But I'm running out of memories to throw at the virus before it starts devouring the things most dear to me.

Dismantling the Reaper Fleet is taking too long. It's too big.

I'm going to each Reaper in turn. Many of them want an end, a chance to finally rest in peace. I'm more than willing to oblige. I give them a chance to make a final data-entry into the Culture – especially if information on their civilisation was lost in the battle – and then I power them down and deconstruct the Reaper form.

For those Reapers that want to carry on existing... If I'm to let them, I need to know that I can trust them. And that requires me to perform an invasive mental and personality analysis on each Reaper that wants to stay free. It's not nice. But I don't have time to build up trust the slow way.

And if they fail that test, I destroy them.

I don't feel happy about that. I'm determining their fates based on a severe violation of privacy – even if we are talking about the privacy of a Reaper. But I can't afford the risk of releasing more Reapers like Harbinger. Maybe what I'm doing is immoral. I don't know.

God, I'm tired of this.

* * *

**Date unknown**

Ashley. This will be my final message.

Thanks to the virus, I've lost track of time. How long has it been since the battle with the Leviathans? I'm not even sure that it matters.

I had hoped to be able to spend time with you when I returned. To actually have some time to relax before the end. But I know now that, by the time I'm finished with the Reaper fleet, by the time that the Culture relay is repaired, there will be too little of me left. I've already lost so much.

I wanted to explain everything to you in person, but these messages will have to be enough. I've collected specific memory files and all my letters to you, enough to give you the big picture. You'll have read them all by the time you read this.

When the Culture is finally repaired, and when I've dismantled the last of the Reaper fleet, I will come to you. Through the Citadel relay. I don't even remember what the Citadel _is_. I just know that it's the way home.

Eternity will bring the Culture to the Galaxy the slow way. He should arrive three years after me. Like the other Reapers that I've freed, all his indoctrination technology has been removed, and the power behind his weapon systems has been reduced. He wants to stay on as a steward of the Culture, and I'm inclined to let him.

The Culture arriving and being given to the galaxy. I wish I could see how that changes things, but it's a change that you'll be witness to. Not me.

I'm not looking forward to death. But I am looking forward to an end. Does that make sense? An end to being constantly forced to choose which part of me should be destroyed next.

I once told you that I wasn't an atheist. I implied that, like you, I believe in God. The truth is, I don't know what I believe. I never have. When I 'died' the first time, I experienced... nothing. And now, I have the wealth of all Reaper knowledge available to me, and _nothing_ they have _ever_ seen provides evidence for an afterlife.

Maybe there is a God, and I'll finally have a chance to rest. Or maybe death is oblivion. I'll find out soon enough.

I still can't wait to see you again. Imagination isn't enough. I can reconstruct your voice, your face, from my own memories. I can simulate you talking to me, being with me. But it doesn't work because it isn't you.

Invictus. You read part of it to me once. I think we were in a hospital. Later, back on the Normandy, I looked up the entire poem. It struck a chord somewhere within me. I suppose that makes sense – I crafted my persona based on never giving up, and Invictus is about perseverance through the hardest of times.

These past few years have been the hardest of times.

I want you to know – you saved my life. And I'm not referring to the countless times that you stopped me from being killed on the battlefield.

What happened on Mindoir scarred me. Until recently, I'd forgotten how deep that scar goes. You helped me forget. You helped me move on. For more than a decade, I'd committed myself to being the perfect soldier. To never taking a moment out for myself. To being... this person that I'd invented to escape Mindoir.

Meeting you brought me out of it.

You once told me that you never felt that you were worth what you fighting for. That I made you feel good enough. Well you made me feel _alive._ I know our time together was short. But it was worth it, for that.

I want to feel alive one last time.

I think I've earned it.

This is Commander Jason Shepard signing out.

* * *

_It matters not how strait the gate,_

_How charged with punishments the scroll,_

_I am the master of my fate:_

_I am the captain of my soul._

* * *

**_Whew. You know, these last few chapters have been a bit heavy. Just a little bit._**

**_Thanks to everyone that has stayed with me this far, and I apologise if I've broken your heart a couple of times by this point. I didn't exactly set out to write a happy ending fic..._**

**_The epilogue should be up soon. I'll have a thorough "Closing Comments and Thoughts" at the very end._**

**_We're nearly there._**


	14. Cassie

_2199 CE  
Nimbus Cluster, Agaiou System.  
SSV Normandy SR2_

The cockpit was silent.

Joker sat in the pilot's seat, powering up the thrusters to ease the ship away from the starbase. EDI sat in her usual chair, contemplating. Garrus was standing back, leaning against the wall next to the airlock.

Ash stood up against the window, watching the research station drift away from them. Joker had asked if they would be taking the probe with them; after all, it was the closest thing there was to a body of the Commander. But Ashley had disagreed – Shepard had not enjoyed his time living as that thing, and would not want to be remembered by it. In her eyes, the probe was not Shepard's body; it had just carried his soul for a while.

In any case, she doubted Terien would be willing to part with the chance to study such advanced technology.

As the starbase grew smaller in the distance, Ash reflected on how she had arrived only a few days earlier. Confused, frustrated, and wondering what had gotten everyone so worked up. Now she knew.

Shepard had done what needed to be done, just as he always had.

And he'd never forgotten her.

* * *

_4 hours later_

Terien watched the holo-feed as the panel slid open. He tapped on his screen, directing a pair of robotic arms to reach into the newly opened compartment on the probe. The sensors registered a solid grip, and the arms began to pull back out.

The salarian moved his gaze away from the holo-feed to looking at the probe through the glass. The arms slowly pulled out their find. A blue sphere, roughly a foot in diameter. The Shepard-AI's central quantum processor.

The virus had burned out most of it, and the rest had deteriorated when the Shepard-AI powered down. There would be no recoverable data within.

Nonetheless, Terien felt a small measure of awe looking upon it.

Then the moment passed, and the salarian directed his team to begin running scans upon the sphere. Even if data could not be recovered, the internal architecture of the unit could inform future advancements in the field of Artificial Intelligence for years.

Terien returned his attention to the holo-feed.

* * *

_1 month later_

The skycar rushed through the air, the green fields flying by beneath them. Cassie watched as a storm flashed on the otherwise sunny horizon, then turned her head.

"Okay, Mom. When are you going to tell me where we're going?"

Ashley adjusted her grip on the wheel. "I'm not. It's a surprise."

"Mom, you may have tried to keep it hidden from me, but I do know which planet we're on."

"Oh yeah?" Ash glanced at her.

"Four relay jumps away from home? Orbiting a main sequence star? Two moons? Farming colony? Mindoir's the only planet that fits, even if you did insist on blindfolding me through the spaceport." Cassie folded her arms. "So presumably, whatever we're doing here, it's something to do with Dad."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're ridiculously intelligent?"

"Yes. You. Regularly." Cassie looked out the window again.

Ashley gazed at her for a moment, then shook her head. "I love you."

"You tell me that regularly too. So why _are_ we on Mindoir?"

"Like I said – it's a surprise."

Cassie groaned and fell silent.

Ash guided the skycar across the landscape, towards the mouth of a wide valley. It took some time to get there, but a worn dirt track on the ground guided the way. The village they were headed to had not been lived in for a long time – although Mindoir had been rebuilt after the attack, this corner was left untouched.

A river flowed out from the valley. The water level was low to the ground – it was currently Mindoir's summer season – but there were wide floodplains to either side. Further upstream, the ground rose. On one side of the river a forest stretched down from the hills; on the other side the ground had been flattened, and a number of early prefabricated houses were placed in the rough arrangement of an old village.

Ashley circled the village. Most of the buildings were still in a good state, despite having been left to the elements for more than two decades. Satisfied that she'd found the right place, she flew the skycar towards a clearing in the middle of the village. Another skycar was already parked there.

"Wait," said Cassie, leaning forwards at the sight of three people waiting for them. "I know those two! And that third figure... A geth? What's a geth doing here?"

Ashley didn't reply, just settled the skycar onto the ground and opened the doors. Cassie jumped out of the car and ran across the village square, waving her arms.

"Uncle Garrus! Aunt Tali!"

Garrus crouched down to catch her in a hug, while Tali looked on with a hand on one hip. Ashley wore a smile as she headed across to join them. Cassie had spoken to both Garrus and Tali on vid-calls before, but this was the first time that they'd ever actually met.

"Do I get a hug?" she asked, raising an eyebrow as she approached.

"Sorry, but the Quarian Ambassador might get jealous if I greeted you like this," said Garrus, looking up.

Tali kicked him in the side, then walked over to embrace Ashley. "From me? You certainly get a hug. It's been far too long, Ash."

"I know," said Ash, breaking the hug after a moment. "You can blame me for that."

"I do," replied Tali, but there was warmth in her voice. She turned her head towards the geth that standing a few paces back. "Ashley, you asked for a representative of the Geth Consensus to be present. This is their Ambassador to the Council. He and I work together on an almost daily basis."

The geth stepped forward, offering a hand. Ashley paused – the geth's stance seemed strangely familiar – then took the hand and shook it.

"Ashley Williams. We are platform Ghost-Ambassador. We wish to convey gratitude for inviting geth to this juncture." Ghost's facial plates flared briefly. "Addendum: We believe you would want to know that this unit attained the last probable sighting of Shepard-Commander before Crucible-Activation."

"You..." Ashley blinked. "Thank-you. You were the one that informed Hackett that Shepard made it to the beam?"

"Correct."

"Then... I am grateful that you've come." Ashley glanced to one side. "I shouldn't keep you – I just know that my daughter is eager to ask you plenty of questions."

Ghost inclined its head. "We welcome curiosity." It stepped to one side, approaching Cassie and Garrus.

Ashley stared at her hand for a moment. _Introducing myself to a geth. Eden Prime... feels like ancient history all of a sudden. I guess that this is something else I have you to thank for, Shepard._

About ten minutes after Ashley and Cassie arrived, a red skycar came speeding into the valley. It set down with a bump, and two krogan climbed out.

"Ashley Williams," one of them rumbled. "Care to tell me why you've dragged us all out here into the middle of nowhere?"

"Not yet, Wrex. Wait until everyone else gets here."

"Huh. Sure." He grinned. "Shoulda guessed that you'd be playing things close to the chest."

The other krogan spoke up. "Anyone got anything to eat? What's that little thing running around?"

Everyone turned and looked at Grunt in horror, including Cassie.

Ashley glared. "That 'little thing' is my daughter. _She is not for eating._ If you try, you'll be eating bullets."

Wrex nudged the younger krogan. "I wouldn't mess with Mommy-Williams, Grunt. She plays rough."

Grunt shrugged. "Thought it was worth a shot." He trudged over towards Cassie. "So you're Shepard's child?"

"Yes." Cassie calmly met his gaze.

"Heh. I just thought that you'd be... taller. You're tiny."

"I'm only thirteen!"

"Yeah? Well I'm only fourteen!"

Cassie folded her arms. "Then you're _big._" She said this as if it meant that she'd won the debate.

Samara was the next to arrive, followed shortly by Liara and Javik. Joker, EDI and Kelly seemed to have been racing their skycar against Cortez and James when they arrived – Cortez won, although he did ask EDI if she had let him. Kasumi appeared at some point – no-one was entirely sure when. Samantha Traynor arrived a bit later than she'd planned, but she made up for it by bringing sandwiches for lunch. Zaeed's arrival was heralded by a skycar that almost fell out of the sky - as he climbed out, he asked if anyone would be willing to give him a lift back, since his engine had just exploded. Karin Chakwas, Gregory Adams, Ken and Gabby all came as one large group. Miranda and Jacob also came together, though Ashley was surprised to learn that they'd given Jack a lift. Jacob later confided to Ashley that the entire trip had been a series of arguments between Jack and Miranda...

Steven Hackett was the last to arrive; the retired Admiral pulled up in an expensive skycar that drew Joker's admiration. Hackett told him that he could borrow it for a drive – but only if it came back without the slightest scratch.

Ashley allowed the team to mingle and chat for a while before deciding that it was 'time'. With Garrus' help, she gathered everyone beside a very specific house in the village.

"You all know where we are. You all know who once lived here. Shepard was a man who touched all of our lives. He was our friend, our family. A man we fought beside. To one among us he was a father, even if he never met his own daughter."

Ashley chose a rise to sit on, as the rest of the group settled down below her.

"It might be true to say that Shepard died thirteen years ago, saving the galaxy. It might also be true to say that he died a month ago, in a room, with me at his side." She realised that she was looking straight at Cassie. "I brought you here to tell you what happened during those thirteen years. How he saved the galaxy one last time. And then, I have a final message from Shepard for each of you."

It took a while – and a bit of help from Garrus, Joker, and EDI – but Ashley described everything that she had learned at Council's research starbase. She told them that she was sharing classified information – she also said that she didn't care because they deserved to know. She told them about the probe. She told them about Shepard's final moments.

In the end, she chose to describe Shepard's time with the Reapers in her own words. She had wondered whether to simply read the various files aloud to them, but since those files were addressed to her, it felt too... personal. So instead she simply told them what they needed to know.

There were questions. Ashley answered them as best as she could. She kept back certain details – such as her suspicion that Shepard had eventually been forced to forget most of the people present.

And then, when the story was done, she took off her backpack and began to hand out datapads. Each person received a message specifically for them – Ghost's message was one that had been addressed to the entire geth consensus.

As Ashley handed out the last of the messages to Javik, she felt a hand tapping her on the back.

"Don't I get a message?"

Ashley turned, then crouched down beside her daughter. "No. And yes."

Cassie frowned. "That doesn't make sense."

"I know. But Shepard died before I had a chance to tell him about you. He died not knowing that you existed."

"So no message then," said Cassie. "I figured."

"Cass... There's a reason I brought us to Mindoir. Shepard lived his life struggling to make sure that what happened here never happened to anyone else. Fighting to let everyone have a chance at their own future. And everyone includes a certain Cassandra Shepard-Williams." Ashley tilted her head. "You ask me what message he left you? Live your own life. Be your own person. Make your own choices. Your future is your own – live it."

Cassie looked down, staring at the ground.

Then she looked up.

And smiled.

* * *

**Author's Final Note**

* * *

**_Wow. I'm done._**

**_You know, after so many dark sequences, it was nice to end on a happier scene._**

**-Invictus-**

**_This story is one that's been in my mind ever since the first time I finished Mass Effect 3, roughly fifteen months ago. Needless to say, the Extended Cut and the Leviathan DLC caused me to change parts of it, but the basic plot always remained the same. I won't go into detail on how I feel about ME3's ending – just that this was my way of accepting it._**

**-Invictus-**

**_For me, the beating heart of this story was the scene in _Chapter 3_, of Shepard's final moments with Ashley. I originally planned that to be the final scene, when we knew everything that Shepard had been through and could understand how much it meant to him to see Ashley again. _**

**_Instead, I ended up reversing it and doing that scene as almost the first thing, so that you could see it through Ashley's eyes. The idea was that you'd be constantly revising your interpretation of what that scene meant. The first time you read it, you don't even know that Shepard has just died. You probably had some idea that he might have, but you didn't _****_know_****_._**

**_And, by now, you know that the scene represented everything that had kept Shepard going throughout the past thirteen years._**

**********-Invictus-**

**_An early plan of Invictus had two parallel stories – one following Ashley in the years after the war, the other following Shepard outside the galaxy. But since the two plotlines had no real connection to each other, and since I realised that it was Shepard's story that I wanted to tell, Ashley's plotline got changed up until it became the framing story. There's enough left for you to figure out what she's being doing for thirteen years._**

**_Speaking of framing stories - I experimented a LOT with this story, doing plenty of stuff that I'd never tried before with my own writing. _Chapter 11: Corruption _is probably the primary example of this - completely non-linear, a framing story within a framing story, with me varying the pace and style of voice throughout. There's a reason that chapter took so long!_**

******-Invictus-**  


**_The poem itself didn't get associated with the plot until quite late. For a long time, this story had the working title of "Mass Effect: Resolve". I do like the ME3 scene where Ashley recites the verse from Invictus, but it was only after I looked up the whole poem that I felt it would be a good fit to my story. Fortunately, it's in the public domain!_**

**-Invictus. Latin for 'Unconquered'-**

**_And that's the point. Despite everything that the universe threw at Shepard, he never gave up and never backed down. He did what needed to be done to give the galaxy its own future._**

**_This wasn't a happy ending fic. But it was, hopefully, a meaningful fic._**

**_I hope you enjoyed it._**

**_Thank-you for reading._**

* * *

_PS: I have two follow-up stories planned for Invictus._

_One will follow Cassie as a young woman in the new galaxy, the other will follow Garrus much later in life. I've laid groundwork within Invictus for what I have in mind – and some of that groundwork is more obvious than the rest – but you should be warned that neither of these sequels is much more than a vague plan at this point. Nonetheless, if you're interested, then do feel free to follow me/pester me with a PM in a year if I still haven't started anything..._


End file.
